Praise be to Allaah.
If your husband is religiously committed and of good
character, then praise Allaah for the blessing of making this marriage
possible, and stop feeling worried and anxious, although we feel that this
worry is something to be expected in a woman of your age in your situation.
Indeed many people feel a kind of anticlimax after becoming engaged or doing
the marriage contract, but one should let one’s optimistic side prevail and
think positively, so long as your family knew him before he proposed
marriage, or has checked on him and done their utmost to find out about his
situation, with regard to his religious commitment, character,
trustworthiness and serious approach to life.
The fact that the husband has work which takes up a lot of
his time is not to be regarded as something odd in this day and age, because
of the high cost of living and lack of sources of income. The wise husband
who is keen to take care of his family will strike a balance between that
and fulfilling his family’s rights, so he will give them as much of his
love, care and attention as he can when he comes back to them, and he will
make the most of his resting times to spread an atmosphere of love and
compassion that will make them forget that he is far away from them. This is
something which we hope you will find with your husband, if Allaah wills,
after consummation of the marriage.
The wife has rights over her husband, as he has rights over
her. Her rights include: that he should provide her with sufficient
accommodation, food and clothing, he should treat her kindly, he should pay
attention to her religious commitment by helping her to worship Allaah, and
he should keep her away from sin and protect her from her Fire. He has
rights over her which are that she should obey him, treat him kindly, and
protect him with regard to herself and her honour.
For more details on these rights, and the evidence for them,
please see the answer to question number
We would like to draw your attention to the fact that if a
woman is sought for marriage by many people, then if she accepts a man as
her husband, she must be content with that and be pleased with him, and
strive to make him happy, and hope for good in her life with him, and ask
Allaah to help her to fulfil her duty towards him. Thus she will prepare
herself for a happy life with him.
But the one who looks at her situation, thinks too highly of
herself and is deceived by people’s interest in her, she may not be
successful with her husband, and may not be content with her situation, so
she will lose her happiness and peace of mind. May Allaah keep you safe from
To sum up, we are advising you to stop being afraid and
worried, and to be optimistic and hopeful, and to ask Allaah for guidance
The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said
to ‘Ali (may Allaah be pleased with him): “Say: ‘O Allaah, guide me and make
me steadfast’.” Narrated by Muslim (2725).
According to another report: “Say: O Allaah, I ask You for
guidance and steadfastness.”
It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with
her) said: the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) entered
upon me what I was praying, and he wanted something, but I took too long, so
he said: “O ‘Aa’ishah, you should recite general and comprehensive du’aa’s.”
When I had finished, I said: O Messenger of Allaah, what is general and
comprehensive du’aa’? He said: “Say: O Allaah, I ask You for all goodness,
now and later on, that which I know and that which I do not know; I seek
refuge in You from all evil, now and later on, that which I know and that
which I do not know. I ask you for Paradise and the words and deeds that
will bring me closer to it, and I seek refuge in You from Hell and from the
words and deeds that would bring me closer to it. I ask You for that which
Muhammad asked You for, and seek refuge in You from that from which Muhammad
sought refuge; whatever You decreed for me, make its consequences good.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari in al-Adab al-Mufrad (639) and classed as
saheeh by al-Albaani.
Recite this du’aa’ a great deal and maintain a good
relationship with Allaah, hoping for good from Him. Seek the help of a
trustworthy advisor and one who has experience among your family and
friends, if you need any help with your problem.
We ask Allaah to set your affairs straight with your husband,
and to decree guidance, happiness and well-being for you both.
And Allaah knows best.