Monday, 4 July 2011

Her husband does not want more children but she does

Her husband does not want more children but she does
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Allah has blessed us with 2 beautiful and healthy My husband is of the opinion that in this day and age it's enough. He does not want more kids. I If I talk to him, and tell him, that I would like to have another baby he sometimes get's angry or tells me he will get a vasectomy. I do not want him to do haraam, but I long to have another child, inshaAllah. Can I refuse to have intercourse with him, when he is using protection or am I not allowed to. If he is not changing his mind, am I allowed to ask him for divorce? Or is it better to stay with him for the sake of the children and put my desires last?.


Praise be to Allaah.


Having a lot of children is something that is encouraged in
Islam and the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) urged
Muslims to do that. Abu Dawood (2050) narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yazaar (may
Allah be pleased with him) said: A man came to the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “O Messenger of
Allaah, I have found a woman who is from a good family and is beautiful, but
she does not bear children; should I marry her?” He told him not to. Then he
came to him a second time and said something similar and he told him not to
marry her. Then he came to him a third time and said something similar and
he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Marry the one who is
loving and fertile, for I will be proud of your great numbers.” 

Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Irwa’ al-Ghaleel,

Hence the couple should be keen to have a lot of children and
be happy about that and show gratitude for the blessing that Allah has
bestowed upon them. 


It is permissible to delay having children for a certain
amount of time if that serves an interest, such as if the woman is weak or
sick. But it is not permissible to do that for fear of poverty or for fear
of raising the children, because that implies thinking negatively of Allah,
may He be exalted. 

It says in a statement of the Islamic Fiqh Council belonging
to the Muslim World League: The Islamic Fiqh Council affirms unanimously
that it is not permissible to limit the number of children in general and it
is not permissible to prevent pregnancy if the reason for doing that is fear
of poverty, because Allah is the Provider and Owner of great power, and
there is no living creature on earth but its provision is due from Allah, or
if that is for other reasons that are not acceptable according to

As for using means of preventing or delaying pregnancy in
individual cases where there real and certain harm will result from it, such
as if the pregnant woman will have to give birth in a manner other than that
which is usual, and she will have to have surgery to bring the child forth,
in which case there is nothing in sharee’ah to prevent her doing that. The
same applies if it is delayed for other legitimate shar’i or health reasons
confirmed by a trustworthy Muslim doctor. Contraception becomes a must in a
case where it is proven that harm would result for the mother or there is
the fear that she may die, according to the opinion of a trustworthy Muslim
doctor. End quote from Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/200. 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) was
asked: Is it permissible to use birth control so that a person has a child
every five years, because he sees the corruption in society and would not be
able to raise a lot of children close in age in this overwhelmingly corrupt

He replied: So long as this is the intention, then it is not
permissible to do this, because it reflects a lack of trust in Allaah with
regard to the hadeeth of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) who said “Marry the one who is loving and fertile…” 

But if the birth control has to do with the condition of the
woman – because she cannot cope with repeated pregnancies – this may be
permissible, but it is better not to do it.

End quote. See the answer to question number


It is permissible to use condoms and withdrawal, i.e.,
ejaculating outside the vagina, on condition that you ask your wife's
permission to do that, because she has the right to pleasure and to have a

The evidence that withdrawal is permissible is the hadeeth of
Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah who said: We used to engage in ‘azl at the time of
the Messenger of Allaah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him). News of
that reached the Messenger of Allaah (and peace of Allah be upon him) and he
did not forbid us to do it.

Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5209) and Muslim (1440). 

The husband does not have the right to do that without the
consent of his wife, because of what has been stated above. 

If he insists on his attitude even though you want a child,
then he is doing wrong, but you should not respond to his action by refusing
to share his bed, because two wrongs do not make a right. Al-Bukhaari (3237)
and Muslim (1736) narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with
him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: ‘When a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he
went to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.’” 

So do your duty and ask Allah for your rights. Be patient and
seek reward with Allah, and continue to advise him and do not ask for
divorce. Rather you should protect your home and your family, and pay
attention to raising your children. Ask Allah for righteous offspring, for
if it is decreed that a child should be born, that will not be prevented by
withdrawal, condoms or anything else. 

Ahmad narrated from Jaabir with regard to withdrawal that he
said: I used to withdraw from her -- meaning the slave woman – and and have
intercourse with, and she bore a child. The Messenger of Allah (blessings
and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “If Allah decrees that a soul should
be created, then it will come into existence.” 

And al-Bukhaari (5210) and Muslim (1438) narrated that that
Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri said: We captured some female prisoners and we engaged
in coitus interruptus, then we asked the Messenger of Allaah (blessings and
peace of Allah be upon him) about that and he said to us: “Do you do that?
Do you do that? Do you do that? There is no soul that is to exist, until the
Day of Resurrection, but it will come into being.” 

May Allah help us all to do that which He loves and which pleases Him. 

And Allah knows best.


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