1- My daughter who was 6 years old has passed away six months ago in an accident, she was with me, and my husband accuses me of killing her.
2- He slanders me in a way that no wife would ever accept from her husband.
3- He accuses me of having an affair with my sister’s husband! Although he is in London and I am in Egypt.
4- He insults me everywhere in a very bad language.
5- I have tolerated like nobody ever tolerated before. He is 20 years older than me. I was looking for a man who is much older than me; thinking he would have a mature mind. After marriage I knew that he is suffering from a psychiatric illness. I stayed with him until he was treated from it, but now that illness came back. He wants to kill me; as he accuses me of killing his daughter. I have another daughter and son; he wishes they died instead of her; because he loved her only.
Is it permissible for me to ask for divorce, knowing that he does not want to divorce me, but wants to kill me?.
Praise be to Allaah.
We ask Allaah to increase your reward for the death of your
daughter, and to make her an intercession for her family on the Day of
Resurrection. And may Allaah increase your reward because of your husband
who says and does things that cause you distress and grief.
You should note that this world is the realm of trials and
tests, and that the Muslim will be faced with worry, distress, grief, and
sickness, but he should not let that cause him to miss out on the rewards
that are available, so seek reward with your Lord for that which has
befallen you and ask Him to make you patient and to make you steadfast in
adhering to His religion.
As for seeking a divorce, some of what your husband has done
makes it permissible for you to ask for a divorce, so how about when all of
the things are taken together?
Slandering or falsely accusing a person is a major sin and it
is not permissible for him to do that. Reviling, insulting and threatening
to kill are things that no one could bear from a stranger, so how about when
it is done by one's life partner, one’s husband who lives in the same
If a woman asks for a divorce from her husband for no reason,
this is what is warned against. But if there is a reason for it, then
undoubtedly the warning is not addressed to the woman who seeks a divorce in
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: “Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce when there is nothing
wrong, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her.”
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1187) and Abu Dawood (2226); classed
as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
Al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
The reports which warn women against asking for a divorce
from their husbands are to be understood as referring to cases where there
is no reason for doing so.
Fath al-Baari (9/402).
Al-Mubaarakfoori (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
i.e., without there being any hardship that would cause her
to resort to asking for a divorce.
In al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah (29/11) it says:
The wife may ask for the marriage to be ended if there is a
reason that justifies that, such as if the husband is miserly or absent, and
other reasons concerning which the fuqaha’ differed; some are more lenient
than other. But that does not depend on her opinion, rather it is to be
determined by the judge, unless the husband gives her the authority to issue
a divorce, in which case she may also divorce herself by her own words.
If the couple agree to separate, that is permissible, and it
may be done without needing to refer to the court. The judge may also
separate a couple if there is a reason for doing so, so as to protect the
rights of Allaah, such as if one of a Muslim couple has apostatized – Allaah
forbid – or one of a Magian couple has become Muslim and the other refuses
to do so, and so on.
But none of that is called talaaq, apart from the first case
if it is instigated by the husband. The evidence that talaaq is the right of
the husband only is the hadeeth in which the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “(The right of divorce) belongs to
the one who takes hold of the calf [i.e., her husband]”, narrated by Ibn
Majaah (2072) and classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Majaah.
To sum up:
The husband has to fear Allaah and hold his tongue, and not
utter haraam words. Anyone among his family or the authorities who can stop
him must hasten to do so. If the wife wishes, she may be patient and put up
with the hurt and harm from her husband, or if she wishes she may ask for a
divorce and come to some agreement with her husband concerning divorce.
Otherwise their case may be referred to the shar’i judge to make him divorce
her, if it is proven that he is causing harm.
And Allaah knows best.