Monday, 4 July 2011

He wants to go back to his country but there is war there; is his wife obliged to obey him?

He wants to go back to his country but there is war there; is his wife obliged to obey him?
ar - en
my dad went back to his country because he said he dont want to stay in kuffar country،he wants the family to come as well. but my mum dont want to go because she is saying my children have to finish their education and they are about to start university and she dont want to ruin for them. My question is then ist a sin for my mum to not obey her husband and do what he wants her to do? will she be punished for it? what do you think i shoul do، because my mum really dont want to go and her mum and sister is saying dont go there because their is war and so on.


Praise be to Allaah.


Staying in a kaafir country is not permissible unless certain
conditions are met, the most important of which is that the person be
religiously committed and thus protected against whims and desires; he
should also have sufficient knowledge and insight that will protect him
against specious arguments; he should be able to practice his religion
openly; and he and his family should be safe. For more details please see
the answer to question no. 13363
and 27211. 


The wife is obliged to obey her husband and move with him
wherever he moves, so long as she did not stipulate that her husband should
not take her out of her homeland or make her travel to a specific country,
or so long as moving with him will not cause her any obvious and
considerable harm, such as if he wants to move to a country where there is
war or it is thought most likely that she will encounter harm such as
imprisonment and the like. 

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: He may
travel with her, because the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon
him) used to travel with his wives, unless it is a kind of travel in which
there is fear (of harm), in which case she does not have to do that. 

End quote from al-Mughni (7/223) 

And it says in Kashshaaf al-Qinaa‘ (5/187): The
husband may travel with his wife, because the Prophet (blessings and peace
of Allah be upon him) and his Companions used to travel with their wives,
unless the travel involves fear or there is danger on the road or in the
land to which he wants to travel. In that case he does not have the right to
take her with him without her permission, because of the hadeeth, “There
should be neither harm nor reciprocating harm.” Or if she stipulated that
she should stay in her own land, in which case she is entitled to that
condition, because the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him)
said: “The most deserving of conditions to be fulfilled are those by means
of which intimacy became permissible to you.” End quote. 

She does not have the right to refuse to accompany her
husband because of the children’s education, because education may be
acquired in various places and through various means such as distance
learning and so on. So it is not permissible for her to disobey her husband
for the sake of her children. 


You have to obey your father and travel with him if he wants
that, so long as your travelling to his country will not pose a danger to

It should be obvious to you that the father has rights and a
high status, and Allah has commanded us to honour our parents; He has
mentioned that alongside obedience to Him and affirmation of His Oneness
(Tawheed). Claiming that the father is not thinking of his children's best
interests is mistaken thinking in most cases, because of the natural
compassion that the father has for his children, but what the father thinks
is in the children's best religious or worldly interests may make him
overlook this compassion. Allah has commanded the father to protect his
children and guard them against that which may lead to doom and loss, as He
says (interpretation of the meaning):

“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families
against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are
(appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the
Commands they receive from Allaah, but do that which they are commanded”

[al-Tahreem 66:6] 

And it was narrated from Ibn ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with
him) that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said:

“Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for
his flock. The ruler of the people is a shepherd and is responsible for his
flock. A man is the shepherd of his household and is responsible for his
flock. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house and children and is
responsible for her flock. The slave is the shepherd of his master’s wealth
and is responsible for it. Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is
responsible for his flock.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari (7138) and Muslim (1829). 

And al-Bukhaari (7151) and Muslim (142) narrated that Ma‘qil
ibn Yasaar al-Muzani (may Allah be pleased with him) said:

I heard the Messenger of Allaah (blessings and peace of Allah
be upon him) say: “There is no person whom Allaah puts in charge of others,
and when he dies he is insincere to his subjects, but Allaah will forbid
Paradise to him.” 

So it is no surprise that a father would flee with his
children from the land of kufr, fearing corruption and deviance for them,
and that he would prefer soundness of religious commitment to worldly
interests. If his move to his homeland is safe, then all the members of his
family are obliged to obey him and accompany him. 

And Allah knows best.

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