Thursday, 28 April 2011

She mixes with her relative, uncovers her face in front of him and talks to him on the phone


I am teaching in a circle (for memorising Quran). I have a student who is 20 years old. She has a relationship with a non-mahram relative (who was described as religious). When the two families meet she uncovers her face in front of him without khilwa (private meeting), as there are children present. When she was advised to stop doing this she said he is a relative and it is permissible. She also talks to him on the telephone. She does not know that I know about this matter, what shall I do? How shall I face her? I fear her stubbornness and I fear she leaves the circle that she badly needs.


Praise be to Allaah.


Undoubtedly this sister is in need of advice and guidance,
and the one who is said to be a righteous man who is one of her relatives
needs the same. There is no doubt that by means of this relationship they
are opening a door to fitnah and a path to sin and transgression, and no one
can be certain of what the consequences of that will be, and no one knows
where it will end up. 

It was narrated from al-Nawwaas ibn Sam’aan al-Ansaari (may
Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah has told the parable of a
straight path, on both sides of which are two walls, in which there are open
doors, and over the doors are curtains, and at the gate of the path there is
a caller who says: ‘O people, enter the path all together and do not go
depart from it. And there is a caller who calls from further in; when a
person wants to open any of those doors, he says: Woe to you, do not open
it! for if you open it you will enter it. 

The path is Islam and the walls are the sacred limits of
Allaah, and the open doors are the things forbidden by Allaah. The caller at
the beginning of the path is the Book of Allaah and the caller at the top of
the path is the conscience in the heart of every Muslim.” 

Narrated by Imam Ahmad (17182) and classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani in Zilaal al-Jannah (19). 

The word “woe to you” is a warning against doing that; it is
a word that expresses mercy and concern and it is said to anyone who falls
into a bad situation that he does not deserve. 

“Do not open it, for if you open it you will enter it” means
you will enter the door and fall into that which Allaah has forbidden.  

Fayd al-Qadeer (4/334). 

Ibn Rajab (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

The one who in this world departs from the straight path and
opens the doors to haraam things that are in the walls of the path, right
and left, and enters them, whether he entered the haraam things because of
whims and desires or confusion, will be seized by the hooks that are on that
path, right and left, according to whatever doors to haraam things he opened
in this world, and some of them will fall into the Fire, and some will be
torn by the hooks then saved. 

Sharh Hadeeth Mathal al-Islam,
p. 44. 

The relationship mentioned in the question dictates two

1 – That the relative should be concerned about his
relatives’ well being and be more concerned about protecting them than
anyone else. So he should not help his relative to open doors to haraam or
enter them, whether that is motivated by whims and desires or confusion,
rather his concern for his relative should be firstly because he is a Muslim
and then because he is a relative. 

2 – Many people are careless about mixing between relatives,
and there are not many who do not overstep the limit and refrain from
slipping into areas of fitnah. Therefore Islam is strict in closing the door
to fitnah caused by relatives with whom people tend to feel too relaxed more
than others, to such a point that the relative is likened to death!  

It was narrated from ‘Utbah ibn ‘Aamir that the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Beware of
entering upon women.” An Ansaari man said: O Messenger of Allaah, what about
the in-law? He said: “The in-law is death.”  Narrated by al-Bukhaari (4934)
and Muslim (2172).  

For the commentary of Imam al-Nawawi on this hadeeth, please
see the answer to question no. 12837. 

In the answer referred to there is also a fatwa from Shaykh
‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) about the
permissibility of a woman sitting with her relatives, subject to two

1 – That her hijab should be complete, including the face and

2 – That there should be nothing dubious. 

Both conditions are lacking in this case. She sits with her
relatives with her face uncovered, and undoubtedly her sitting with him is
dubious. Among the effects of that sitting together are the conversations
that have taken place between them, which are also haraam. We have quoted
the fatwas of the scholars about this issue in the answers to questions no.
26890 and


You have to be subtle in calling her, advising her and
reminding her, and you must use wisdom and beautiful exhortation. Kindness
in offering advice is more likely to bring a response and moving exhortation
is more likely to affect the heart.  

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Invite (mankind, O Muhammad
صلىالله عليه وسلم) to the way of your Lord (i.e. Islam) with wisdom
(i.e. with the Divine Revelation and the Qur’aan) and fair preaching, and
argue with them in a way that is better. Truly, your Lord knows best who has
gone astray from His path, and He is the Best Aware of those who are guided”

[al-Nahl 16:125] 

“Go, both of you, to Fir‘awn (Pharaoh), verily, he has
transgressed (all bounds in disbelief and disobedience and behaved as an
arrogant and as a tyrant).

44. “And speak to him mildly, perhaps he may accept
admonition or fear (Allaah)”

[Ta-Ha 20:43-44]. 

See also the answers to questions no.
60244 and

If you are afraid that she will be put her off if you are
blunt with her, or you think that she will be stubborn, then you can give
her hints concerning what you want to tell her, and talk to her indirectly,
such as quoting some ahaadeeth in front of her that warn against the fitnah
of non-mahram men, especially relatives, or giving her some tapes and essays
and pamphlets that speak about that, and about the danger that taking such
matters lightly poses to the religious commitment and chastity of a woman,
and speak to her in general terms, as if you do not know anything about her

Then urge her to convey this message to other Muslim women,
when she is calling them to Allaah, and spreading that etiquette among
Muslim women, and that it is not sufficient for a girl to protect herself
against immorality or the things that lead to it such as haraam mixing and
relationships that are Islamically unacceptable, rather she must also call
others to Allaah and enjoin what is good and forbid what is evil, as much as
she is able to.  


If this indirect approach does not succeed, then you can
gently confront her with what she is doing, as she is a grown up and will
understand what you say. She is also a student in a Qur'aan circle and her
actions do not reflect on her only but also on the place where she is
learning. Tell her that you are telling her this because you love her and
you wish her well, and you are concerned about her, and it is not the matter
of trying to control another person’s actions, for many people are put off
from the truth for no other reason than that they think the person who is
advising them is trying to set himself up as his keeper. 

You can focus on a number of things when you advise her: 

Explain to her the status of
modesty in Islam, and how the wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) and the womenfolk of the Sahaabah attained a high
degree with regard to this virtue.

Point out to her that she is
falling into something that is forbidden in sharee’ah, such as uncovering
the face in front of a non-mahram man, sitting in a mixed gathering and
talking to him on the pone. We have referred above to numerous fatwas from
the scholars on these matters.

In the answers to questions no.
11774 and
21536 we have explained the ruling
on covering the face and hands.

Remind her of the true stories
of those who fell victim to mixing and talking and corresponding with
non-mahrams, as such stories are innumerable.

See also the answer to question no.

In the answer to question no.
1200 we have explained the ruling
on mixing in detail, and its bad effects.

Get in touch with her mother or
visit her to advise her and remind her of the wrong things that are being
done in their house, and the effect that this will have on them, and on
their daughter in particular. 

And Allaah knows best

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