I am a female college student. My problem is that I have gotten to know a young man over the internet. In the beginning the relationship was one of respect and exchanging information, until it turned into love. My mother rejects the idea of me marrying him, and she has threatened to tell my father about this relationship. I cannot do without him and he feels the same way, because he has told me that he will commit suicide if we cannot get married.
I hope that you can advise me. I cannot be apart from him and he does not.
Note – may Allaah bless you – that our great religion firmly
warns us against forming relationships between the sexes outside the
framework of marriage and firmly closes the door to the calamity of
introduction programs that are propagated by means of newspapers, magazines
and the internet. These warnings are a means of warding off fitnah
(temptation and tribulation) and preventing love affairs which usually lead
people to commit acts of grave immorality and transgression of the sacred
limits set by Allaah – Allaah forbid – or they lead them to marriages that
end in failure and are filled with suspicion and mistrust.
First of all, you made a mistake by entering the chat room
before knowing what the Islamic ruling on that is. Then you made another
mistake by forming a relationship and friendship with a young man who is not
related to you.
Beware of making a third mistake by marrying him because he
claims to love you sincerely and you are afraid that he may commit suicide!
Marriage that is not based on a sound Islamic foundation is
doomed to end in failure and regret. A young man who has spent all this time
forming a relationship with a girl through chat rooms and telephone calls is
in fact a young man who has no religious commitment, modesty or manners, and
he cannot be entrusted with the honour of the Muslims. His threat to commit
suicide means one of two things:
Either he is sincere in his threat, which means that he is
very weak in faith, because killing oneself is a major sin – may Allaah keep
us safe and sound;
Or he is lying, which means that he is a hateful opportunist
and a fool, as well as a selfish individual who cares only for his own
If you were to marry this person, it would not take very long
before suspicions arose which would lead to him losing trust in you and not
having a peaceful or relaxed life with you. From his point of view, a girl
whom he gets to know through talking on the phone or through chat rooms
cannot be trusted not to form relationships with others. This will occupy
his thoughts and make him anxious.
Finally, you should note that this advice which we are
offering to you is based on sincere concern for you. You should learn a
lesson from the experience of other girls who have fallen victim to love
relationships and lost their honour as a result. You should give up this
young man immediately and repent to Allaah and ask His forgiveness, and
praise Him for saving you from committing immoral actions even though the
means that lead to them are easily available. You should also praise Him for
putting obstacles in the way of this marriage, through your family’s
refusal. Start a new life filled with purity and chastity, regret and
prayers for forgiveness, keeping away from the things that lead to
temptation and immorality. Do a lot of righteous deeds, read a great deal of
Qur’aan, and attend many righteous gatherings. With time, your relationship
with this person will fade, for it is based on emotions that are not based
on shar’i guidelines or wise thinking. Beware lest the Shaytaan ensnare you
and makes you think that you cannot forget or sever the relationship
forever; these are just whispers and tricks, and devilish attempts to keep
you in the hell of love and emotion, and distract you from the higher aims
of sincere devotion and submission to Allaah and constant striving to please
Him. We ask Allaah to give you a way out from your distress and anxiety.