Thursday, 28 April 2011

She has repented from an illicit relationship but she wants to contact him in order to get married to him

I have recently started wearing hijjab al hamdilla and since then i have realized how dead iw as before hijjab.. This hijaab is a responsibility i have taken and i am trying my best to become a better muslim

Before hijjab i knew this boy and we liked each other .. i know relationships are haram .. but then i wasn't aware of right and wrong.. well.. hamdilla we never did zina.. i am now 3rd year university and he is 4th

he is mutdayin now too.. even if i dont talk to guys anymore.. i will always have feelings for him and i wish he would propose to me or at leat he would tell me something that will make me wait.. but that isnt possible

unless if i email him or try to contact him.. so.. my question is .. if i write him and emaling asking him if i should wait for him to propose or not.. will itbe haram? i want to marry him 3al sunat Allah wa rasooloh..

and i think maybe he thinks i don't like him anymore.. so please let me know if i should send an email or not.. he is a very muhtaram respectable man and he too doesnt talk to girls anymore.

Praise be to Allaah.



It is well known in the religion of Allaah that it is
forbidden to follow in the footsteps of the Shaytaan, and that all the steps
that may lead to falling into something haraam are forbidden, even if they
are permitted in principle. This is what the scholars call “preventing the
means (that lead to haraam).” 

The basic principle of sharee’ah is that when Allaah forbids
a thing, He also forbids the ways and means that lead to it, so that it may
indeed be forbidden. 

We are happy when we hear of or see someone who has come back
to Allaah and to His religion after having lost their way, but at the same
time we fear that the Shaytaan may make what they used to do when they were
astray attractive to them, thus preventing them from following guidance and
making them go astray again.  

Obviously this is what we fear for the sister who asked this
question and for her former friend who has also repented. Hence we cannot
condone her idea of getting back in touch with the one with whom she had a
relationship before she was guided, even if that is on the basis of wanting
to get married according to sharee’ah. 

For a non-mahram woman to be in touch with a person with whom
it is not permissible for her to be in touch leads to evil consequences
which are obvious to any wise person. Hence Allaah has forbidden
establishing relationships and taking close female friends. We have already
posted some of the fatwas of the scholars on this issue. 


With regard to the answer to your question, which may be
summed up as: Is it permissible for a woman to propose marriage to a man or
to tell him that she wants to marry him? The answer is that in sharee’ah the
word khutbah (proposal) refers to the man asking the woman. 

If a woman wants to marry some man, there is nothing wrong
with her sending someone whose religious commitment and honesty she trusts
to offer her in marriage to him, as Khadeejah (may Allaah be pleased with
her) did when she heard of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) and saw his good attitude and trustworthiness, and wanted to
marry him. So she sent one of her relatives to offer her to him in marriage,
and he agreed to marry her. 

Based on this, we say to the sister who asked this question:
If you want to marry this young man, and he has a good attitude and is
religiously committed, then there is nothing wrong with suggesting marriage
to him through a trustworthy relative of yours. 

You should avoid getting in touch with him or with any other
non-mahram men, because of the fitnah (temptation) involved in that. 

And Allaah knows best.

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