He makes his mother cry – is he disobedient towards his parents?

My mother sometimes cries over me and feels very annoyed with of me, just because I do not have a driver’s licence and I do not work, and I do not care about that, unlike others who have these things. Am I disobeying my mother by this? Please note that I love her and she loves me, and I honour her and pray for her.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: 

Honouring one’s parents is one of the greatest means of drawing closer to Allaah and one of the most important obligations, and one of the most beloved deeds to Allaah after faith, especially honouring one’s mother, because of her great rights and because of her efforts and kindness. Hence we are enjoined to care for our mothers and keep them good company, as al-Bukhaari (5971) and Muslim (2548) narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: A man came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: O Messenger of Allaah, who among people is most deserving of my good company? He said: “Your mother.” He said: Then who? He said: “Then your mother.” He said: Then who? He said: “Then your mother.” He said: Then who? He said: “Then your father.” 

Ahmad (15577), al-Nasaa’i (3104) and Ibn Maajah (2781) narrated that Mu’aawiyah ibn Jaahimah came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: O Messenger of Allaah, I want to go out and fight (in jihad) and I have come to consult you. He said; “Do you have a mother?” He said: Yes. He said: “Then stay with her, for Paradise is at her feet.” Then a second time and a third time he said something similar on various occasions. Shaykh Shu’ayb al-Arna’oot said: Its isnaad is hasan. 

Secondly: 

One of the most obvious ways of honouring one’s parents is striving to please them and make them happy, and removing things that upset them or annoy them. 

As this is the case, how serious is that which you mention, that you make your mother cry and make her unhappy. What kind of honouring is that? 

Fear Allaah and beware of being one of those who disobey their parents without realizing it. 

Do you not know that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent back a man who had migrated to join him when he found out that he had left his parents weeping? Abu Dawood (2528), al-Nasaa’i (4163) and Ibn Maajah (2782) narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr said: A man came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: I have come to swear allegiance to you and pledge to migrate but I have left my parents weeping. He said: “Go back to them and make them smile as you have made them weep.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood. And it is well known how important hijrah (migration) was at that time. 

Thirdly: 

Your mother is calling you to do something that is in your best interests and is good for you, which is doing what others do and working as they do, instead of living a life of idleness. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) praised the one who works and eats from what he earns. He said: “No one ever eats any food that is better than that which he has earned with his own hands. The Prophet of Allaah Dawood (peace be upon him) used to eat from that which he earned with his own hands.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2072). And he said: “By the One in Whose hand is my soul, if one of you were to take his rope and carry firewood on his back, that would be better for him than asking a man who may give him (something) or withhold from him.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1470) and Muslim (1042). The version narrated by Muslim says: “If one of you were to tie together a bundle of firewood and carry it on his back and sell it, that would be better for him than asking a man who may give him (something) or withhold from him.” 

So hasten to get a driving licence, and work hard, so that your mother will be pleased with you and her grief and sorrow will depart, and you will be one of the successful, by Allaah’s leave. 

May Allaah help us and you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him. 

And Allaah knows best.