Holding wedding party in a club with each family sitting at a separate table

I have signed a marriage contract with a good sister months ago. We discussed about the day of the actual marriage. I suggested separating men from women this day, and she suggested to have the celebration in the garden of a club, in an opened place, as every family will have a separate table, then we serve food to them on every table. There will be only nasheeds playing not music. Does this transgress the rulings of sharee’ah. What do you advise us to do? May Allaah bless you

Praise be to Allaah.

Mixing of men and women leads to bad consequences and negative effects, whether that is at wedding parties, at work or in school. This has been discussed in the answer to question no. 1200. 

Having each family sitting at a separate table does not prevent this mixing when people come in and go out, as it does not prevent them looking at one another and so on, especially if there are among these families people who do not observe proper hijab, and evil consequences occur as a result.  

Moreover, if each family sits by itself, that does not achieve the purpose of celebration and spreading happiness and joy, and letting people get to know one another and make friends with one another. 

Hence we advise you to hold the celebration as you initially suggested, in a place where men and women can be separated. This is more fearing of Allaah and is more likely to achieve the aims of the gathering. 

We ask Allaah to bless you and to bring you together in goodness, obedience and righteousness. 

And Allaah knows best.

Her father refused to marry her to someone so the judge did the marriage for her

My father is Muslim. He has wrong thoughts about Islam, such as his situation of hejab and mixing. He says: “will a person be judged if good or bad by his religiousness?” He says also that none can implement all the commands of Allah, even the prophet (PBUH) himself could not, meaning the issue of polygamy. My sister has rejected Islam and became Christian, and my father did not object to this, he even sees her as better than me. My mother is Christian as well. 
A noble but disabled man has proposed to me and I accepted him. But my father refused him because he is disabled and from a simpler standard of living than ours. We are rich family. 
After I completed my study at university, my family planned to cut my relationship with the good friends of mine, they planned to change my life gradually. So I left home and planned for marriage. Two months later I got married to the Muslim man in a shar’ee court. 
The question: is my marriage islamically valid? What should my situation towards my family be? Shall I continue boycotting the relationship with them?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: 

We praise Allaah for having enabled you to adhere to the path of guidance and righteousness and we ask Him, may He be glorified and exalted, to grant you more of His bounty. 

Secondly: 

The woman should endeavour to marry one who is religiously committed and of good character, who can protect her and take care of her, and enable and help her to practise her religion, as well as help her to raise righteous children in accordance with the principles and morals of Islam. 

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and attitude pleases you, then marry [your female relative who is under your care] to him, for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1084) from Au Hurayrah; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. 

Thirdly: 

Marriage is not valid except with a wali (guardian), and a woman has no right to marry herself, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage without a wali.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (2085), al-Tirmidhi (1101) and Ibn Maajah (1881) from Abu Moosa al-Ash’ari; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

 And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who gets married without the permission of her wali, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid… and if there is any dispute, then the ruler is the wali of the one who has no wali.” Narrated by Ahmad (24417), Abu Dawood (2083) and al-Tirmidhi (1102); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ no. 2709. 

But if the wali refuses to marry the female relative under his care to a compatible man with whom she is pleased, then he is preventing her from getting married and guardianship passes from him to the next closest male relative on the father’s side. 

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: What is meant by preventing her marriage is preventing her from marrying a compatible man if she asks for that and each of them wants to marry the other… 

And whether she asked to get married for a mahr (dowry) like that of her peers or less. This is the view of al-Shaafa’i, Abu Yoosuf and Muhammad. 

If she wants to marry a specific compatible man, and he wants her to marry some other compatible man, and refuses to marry her to the one whom she wants, then he is preventing her marriage. 

But if she asks to marry someone who is not compatible, then he has the right to refuse that and he is not regarded as preventing her marriage. End quote from al-Mughni (9/383). 

Because guardians usually prevent marriage in such cases, there is nothing wrong with the woman referring the matter to the shar’i judge, who may then ask the guardians to do her marriage. If they refuse then he may do her marriage himself. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, as in the hadeeth quoted above: “and if there is any dispute, then the ruler is the wali of the one who has no wali.”  

Based on this, your marriage contract is valid and it is not permissible to annull it, because the shar’i judge became your wali after your father refused to arrange your marriage. 

Fourthly: 

You have to honour your parents and treat them kindly, and uphold ties of kinship with them even if it is only by speaking to them on the phone, until they calm down and you are able to  visit them, for parents’ rights are great. Hence the duty to honour them is mentioned repeatedly in the Qur’aan, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents; but if they strive to make you join with Me (in worship) anything (as a partner) of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. Unto Me is your return and I shall tell you what you used to do”

[al-‘Ankaboot 29:8] 

“And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years __ give thanks to Me and to your parents. Unto Me is the final destination.

15. But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do”

[Luqmaan 31:14, 15] 

You have no right to cut them off, rather you must strive to calm them down and put their minds at rest, and soften their hearts with money and gifts to earn their love, and ask Allaah to guide your family. 

May Allaah help us and you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him. 

And Allaah knows best.

Ruling on marrying an impotent man

Can I marry a man who is impotent? Is that permissible in sharee’ah? I love him and want him to be my life partner.

Praise be to Allaah.

It is permissible for a woman to marry a man who is known to be unable to have intercourse, because intercourse is her right but she may waive it. If she does that then she cannot demand this right after marriage. 

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in al-Mughni (7/142), after mentioning faults which give the wife the right to annul the marriage, including the husband’s inability to have intercourse: One of the conditions of allowing the option (of annulment) because of these faults is that he did not know of it at the time of the marriage contract, and he did not agree to it afterwards. If he knew of it at the time of the marriage contract or he found out about it afterwards and agreed to it, then he does not have the option (of annulling it). And we do not know of any difference of scholarly opinion (concerning this). End quote from al-Mughni (7/142). 

In al-Mudawwanah (2/144) it says: I say: What do you think if she knowingly marries a man whose penis has been cut off or a eunuch? He said: She does not have the option (of annulment), and Maalik said likewise. He said: Maalik said: If she marries a eunuch and did not know of that, then she has the right to annulment when she comes to know. End quote. 

See: al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah (29/69). 

Although we have said that it is permissible to marry him, it is better for you not to marry such a man, because intercourse and what it leads to, namely having children, are natural things that men and women need. You may be willing to give up this right now, but you do not know what will happen in a year or two, and marriages are supposed to be permanent. 

Hence Imam Ahmad said to the guardian of a woman: I would not like you to give her in marriage to an impotent man. If she agrees now, she will dislike him when she enters upon him, because intimacy is something to which they are naturally inclined and they like what we like. 

Ibn Qudaamah said, commenting on that: That is because the harm caused by that will be ongoing, but acceptance of that cannot be trusted to be ongoing. It may turn to resentment and enmity. 

Al-Mughni (10/67). 

It is obvious that this man is a stranger (non-mahram) to you, so it is not permissible for you to form any kind of relationship with him, until the marriage contract is done. 

We ask Allaah to help and guide you, and to make goodness easy for you wherever it may be. 

And Allaah knows best.

Does he have to leave his wife if she does not become Muslim?

Does a new Muslim have to leave his wife if she does not become Muslim?.

Praise be to Allaah.

It depends. If she is Jewish or Christian, he does not have to leave her, because it is permissible for a Muslim man to marry a Jewish or Christian woman, or to remain married to her. But if she is not Jewish or Christian, then when he becomes Muslim the marriage is annulled, because he is no longer permissible for her and she is not permissible for him. But he should give her time until the ‘iddah ends. If she becomes Muslim before the ‘iddah ends, then she is still his wife, but if she does not become Muslim, then the marriage is over and is regarded as having been annulled from the time the husband became Muslim. End quote.

Does she have to leave her husband if he does not become Muslim?

Does a woman have to leave her kaafir husband if she becomes Muslim? What is the ruling if she refuses to leave him?.

Praise be to Allaah.

If a woman becomes Muslim and her husband is a kaafir, then the marriage is annulled, but she may wait until the ‘iddah ends, then if the husband becomes Muslim during that time, then she is still his wife, but if he does not become Muslim before the ‘iddah ends, then the annulment of the marriage becomes clear, starting from the time she became Muslim. 

Can he go back to her if he becomes Muslim after the ‘iddah ends? 

There are two scholarly opinions concerning that. The more correct view is that he may go back to her if she agrees, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent his daughter back to Abu’l-‘Aas ibn al-Rabee’ several years after she became Muslim, when he also became Muslim. 

But if she refuses then they must be separated by force by the judge. End quote. 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him)

What are the rights of the husband and what are the rights of the wife?

what are a wife's rights on her husband according the Quran and Sunnah? or what are a husbands duties to his wife and viceversa?

Praise be to Allaah.  

Islam has enjoined upon the husband duties towards his wife, and vice versa, and among these duties are some which are shared by both husband and wife.

 We will mention – by the help of Allaah – some of the texts of the Qur’aan and Sunnah which have to do with the duties of the spouses towards one another, quoting also from the commentaries and views of the scholars.

 Firstly:

 The rights of the wife which are hers alone:

 The wife has financial rights over her husband, which are the mahr (dowry), spending and accommodation.

 And she has non-financial rights, such as fair division between co-wives, being treated in a decent and reasonable manner, and not being treated in a harmful way by her husband.

 1.     Financial rights

 (a)   The mahr (dowry). This is the money to which the wife is entitled from her husband when the marriage contract is completed or when the marriage is consummated. It is a right which the man is obliged to pay to the woman. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart” [al-Nisaa’ 4:4]

The prescription of the mahr demonstrates the seriousness and importance of the marriage-contract, and is a token of respect and honour to the woman.

The mahr is not a condition or essential part of the marriage-contract, according to the majority of fuqahaa’; rather it is one of the consequences of the contract. If the marriage-contract is done without any mention of the mahr, it is still valid, according to the consensus of the majority, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“There is no sin on you, if you divorce women while yet you have not touched (had sexual relation with) them, nor appointed unto them their Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage)” [al-Baqarah 2:236]

The fact that divorce is permitted before consummation of the marriage or before stipulating the mahr indicates that it is permissible not to stipulate the mahr in the marriage-contract.

If the mahr is stipulated, it becomes obligatory upon the husband; if it is not stipulated, then he must give the mahr that is given to women of similar status to his wife. 

(b) Spending. The scholars of Islam are agreed that it is obligatory for husbands to spend on their wives, on the condition that the wife make herself available to her husband. If she refuses him or rebels, then she is not entitled to that spending.

The reason why it is obligatory to spend on her is that the woman is available only to her husband, because of the marriage contract, and she is not allowed to leave the marital home except with his permission. So he has to spend on her and provide for her, and this is in return for her making herself available to him for his pleasure.

What is meant by spending is providing what the wife needs of food and accommodation. She has the right to these things even if she is rich, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“but the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother’s food and clothing on a reasonable basis” [al-Baqarah 2:233]

“Let the rich man spend according to his means; and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allaah has given him” [al-Talaaq 65:7]

 From the Sunnah:

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to Hind bint ‘Utbah – the wife of Abu Sufyaan – who had complained that he did not spend on her: “Take what is sufficient for you and your children, on a reasonable basis.” 

It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said: “Hind bint ‘Utbah, the wife of Abu Sufyaan, entered upon the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, Abu Sufyaan is a stingy man who does not spend enough on me and my children, except for what I take from his wealth without his knowledge. Is there any sin on me for doing that?’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, ‘Take from his wealth on a reasonable basis, only what is sufficient for you and your children.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5049; Muslim, 1714)

 It was narrated from Jaabir that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said in his Farewell Sermon:

“Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner” (Narrated by Muslim, 1218)

 (c)  Accommodation. This is also one of the wife’s rights, which means that her husband should prepare for her accommodation according to his means and ability. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Lodge them (the divorced women) where you dwell, according to your means” [al-Talaaq 65:6]

 2.     Non-financial rights

 (i)                Fair treatment of co-wives. One of the rights that a wife has over her husband is that she and her co-wives should be treated equally, if the husband has other wives, with regard to nights spent with them, spending and clothing.

(ii)              Kind treatment. The husband must have a good attitude towards his wife and be kind to her, and offer her everything that may soften her heart towards him, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“and live with them honourably” [al-Nisaa’ 4:19]

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable” [al-Baqarah 2:228]

 From the Sunnah:

 It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Be kind to women.’”(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3153; Muslim, 1468).

 There follow examples of the kind treatment of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) towards his wives – for he is the best example:

 1. It was narrated from Zaynab bint Abi Salamah that Umm Salamah said: “I got my menses when I was lying with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) under a single woollen sheet. I slipped away and put on the clothes I usually wore for menstruation. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)  said to me, ‘Have you got your menses?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ Then he called me and made me lie with him under the same sheet.”

She said: And she told me that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to kiss her when he was fasting, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and I used to do ghusl to cleanse ourselves from janaabah from one vessel.(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 316; Muslim, 296)

 2.  It was narrated that ‘Urwah ibn al-Zubayr said: “ ‘Aa’ishah said: ‘By Allaah, I saw the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) standing at the door of my apartment when the Abyssinians were playing with their spears in the Mosque of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). He covered me with his cloak so that I could watch their games, then he stood there for my sake until I was the one who had had enough. So you should appreciate the fact that young girls like to have fun.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 443; Muslim, 892)

 3.  It was narrated from ‘Aa’ishah the Mother of the Believers (may Allaah be pleased with her) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to pray sitting down; he would recite Qur’aan when he was sitting down, then when there were thirty or forty aayahs left, he would stand up and recite them standing up. Then he did rukoo’, then sujood; then he would do likewise in the second rak’ah. When he had finished his prayer, he would look, and if I was awake he would talk with me, and if I was asleep he would lie down.

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1068)  

(c)  Not harming one’s wife. 

This is one of the basic principles of Islam. Because harming others is haraam in the case of strangers, it is even more so in the case of harming one’s wife.

 It was narrated from ‘Ubaadah ibn al-Saamit that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) ruled, “There should be no harming nor reciprocating harm.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah,, 2340)

This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by Imaam Ahmad, al-Haakim, Ibn al-Salaah and others. See Khalaasat al-Badr al-Muneer, 2/438.

 Among the things to which the Lawgiver drew attention in this matter is the prohibition of hitting or beating in a severe manner.

 It was narrated from Jaabir that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said in his Farewell Sermon:

“Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner” (Narrated by Muslim, 1218)

 Secondly:

 The husband’s rights over his wife.

 The rights of the husband over his wife are among the greatest rights; indeed his rights over her are greater than her rights over him, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them [al-Baqarah 2:228]

 al-Jassaas said: Allaah tells us in this aayah that each of the spouses has rights over the other, and that the husband has one particular right over his wife which she does not have over him.

 Ibn al-‘Arabi said: this text states that he has some preference over her with regard to rights and duties of marriage.

 These rights include:

 (a)     The obligation of obedience. Allaah has made the man a qawwaam (protector and maintainer) of the woman by commanding, directing and taking care of her, just as guardians take care of their charges, by virtue of the physical and mental faculties that Allaah has given only to men and the financial obligations that He has enjoined upon them. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means” [al-Nisaa’ 4:34]

 ‘Ali ibn Abi Talhah said, narrating from Ibn ‘Abbaas: “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women” means, they are in charge of them, i.e., she should obey him in matters of obedience that Allaah has enjoined upon her, and obey him by treating his family well and taking care of his wealth. This was the view of Muqaatil, al-Saddi and al-Dahhaak.(Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 1/492)

 (b)    Making herself available to her husband. One of the rights that the husband has over his wife is that he should be able to enjoy her (physically). If he marries a woman and she is able to have intercourse, she is obliged to submit herself to him according to the contract, if he asks her. That is after he gives her the immediate mahr, and gives her some time – two or three days, if she asks for that – to sort herself out, because that is something that she needs, and because that is not too long and is customary. 

If a wife refuses to respond to her husband’s request for intercourse, she has done something haraam and has committed a major sin, unless she has a valid shar’i excuse such as menses, obligatory fasting, sickness, etc.

 It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘When a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he went to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3065; Muslim, 1436)

 (c)     Not admitting anyone whom the husband dislikes. One of the rights that the husband has over his wife is that she should not permit anyone whom he dislikes to enter his house.

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “It is not permitted for a woman to fast when her husband is present without his permission, or to admit anyone into his house without his permission. And whatever she spends (in charity) of his wealth without his consent, ….” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4899; Muslim, 1026)

It was narrated from Sulaymaan ibn ‘Amr ibn al-Ahwas: my father told me that he was present at the Farewell Pilgrimage (Hujjat al-Wadaa’) with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). He [the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)] praised and glorified Allaah, then he preached a sermon and said: “Treat women kindly, for they are prisoners and you have no other power over them than that, if they are guilty of open lewdness, then refuse to share their beds, and hit them, but not severely. But if they return to obedience, (then) do not seek means (of annoyance) against them. You have rights over your women and your women have rights over you. Your rights over your women are that they should not let anyone whom you dislike sit on your bed and they should not let anyone whom you dislike enter your house. Their rights over you are that you should feed and clothe them well.”

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1163 – he said this is a saheeh hasan hadeeth. Also narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1851) 

It was narrated that Jaabir said: [the Prophet] (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner” (Narrated by Muslim, 1218)

 (d)    Not going out of the house except with the husband’s permission. One of the rights of the husband over his wife is that she should not go out of the house except with his permission. 

The Shaafa’is and Hanbalis said: she does not have the right to visit (even) her sick father except with the permission of her husband, and he has the right to prevent her from doing that… because obedience to the husband is obligatory, and it is not permitted to neglect an obligatory action for something that is not obligatory. 

(e)     Discipline. The husband has the right to discipline his wife if she disobeys him in something good, not if she disobeys him in something sinful, because Allaah has enjoined disciplining women by forsaking them in bed and by hitting them, when they do not obey. 

The Hanafis mentioned four situations in which a husband is permitted to discipline his wife by hitting her. These are: not adorning herself when he wants her to; not responding when he calls her to bed and she is taahirah (pure, i.e., not menstruating); not praying; and going out of the house without his permission. 

The evidence that it is permissible to discipline one's wife includes the aayahs (interpretation of the meaning):

“As to those women on whose part you see ill‑conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful)” [al-Nisaa’ 4:34]

“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones” [al-Tahreem 66:6]

 Ibn Katheer said:

Qutaadah said: you should command them to obey Allaah, and forbid them to disobey Allaah; you should be in charge of them in accordance with the command of Allaah, and instruct them to follow the commands of Allaah, and help them to do so. If you see any act of disobedience towards Allaah, then stop them from doing it and rebuke them for that. 

This was also the view of al-Dahhaak and Muqaatil: that the duty of the Muslim is to teach his family, including his relatives and his slaves, that which Allaah has enjoined upon them and that which He has forbidden them. (Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 4/392) 

(f)      The wife serving her husband. There is a great deal of evidence (daleel) for this, some of which has been mentioned above.

 Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said:

 She is obliged to serve her husband according to what is reasonable among people of similar standing. That varies according to circumstances: the way in which a Bedouin woman serves (her husband) will not be like the way of a town-dweller, and the way of a strong woman will not be like the way of a weak woman. (al-Fataawa al-Kubraa, 4/561) 

(g)     Submitting herself to him. Once the conditions of the marriage-contract have been fulfilled and it is valid, then the woman is obliged to submit herself to her husband and allow him to enjoy her (physically), because once the contract is completed, he is allowed in return to enjoy her, and the wife is entitled to the compensation which is the mahr. 

(h)     The wife should treat her husband in a good manner, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable” [al-Baqarah 2:228]

 Al-Qurtubi said:

It was also narrated from him – i.e., Ibn ‘Abbaas – that this means: they have the right to good companionship and kind and reasonable treatment from their husbands just as they are obliged to obey the commands of their husbands.

 And it was said that they have the right that their husbands should not harm them, and their husbands have a similar right over them. This was the view of al-Tabari. 

Ibn Zayd said: You should fear Allaah concerning them just as they should fear Allaah concerning you. 

The meanings are similar, and the aayah includes all of that in the rights and duties of marriage.(Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 3/123-124) 

And Allaah knows best.

Its the responsibility of every Moslem in learning quran and read tajweed and we also have to teach our kids Quran and not only the Quran teaching we should let then be aware of the basic of Islam and why it was reviled you bet it was vituperated and truth teaching of holy Quran and with tajweed quran we read Quran we can understand better all the replies that are asked if we study koran from a qualified Quran tutor he will let you know verity heart of Islam and why koran was reviled for it we should gain the ability of the Book with there translation and the context of when those verses were reviled and why and that is only potential when we keep on with not simply learning quran for beginners but gaining the information of Quran tafseer and one query that we all is necessary to ask our self that why we all are here in the world to do good acts or to do bad human action to promote correct or to promote incorrect and will we be answerable to any one after this life of not then the enquiry remains the exact same that the reasons why we are here in the world but if yes then whom we have to reply is there any Lord All these response exist when we go deep in to the Quran education do Quran reading and the so let us unite hands to full fill our responsibility. We all must do quran memorization and listen to quran online when ever we have time to stay in touch

 

Wife’s duties towards her husband’s father

My husbands father has come to live with us because he has Alzheimers Disease.  It is creating alot of stress in our house.  
My question:  What exactly are my responsibilities toward him?

Praise be to Allaah. 

It is not obligatory for a woman to serve her husband’s father or mother, or any of his relatives. But it is the matter of chivalry and good manners, if she is in the house, to serve his parents. But with regard to forcing her to do that, it is not permissible for her husband to force her to do that, and it is not a duty upon her. What I suggest is that the wife should be patient in serving her husband’s father, and know that this will not do her any harm; in fact it will make her more noble and more loved by her husband. And Allaah is the Source of strength.

It is hard for her to ask her husband for intimacy

I am a married woman with a great husband Alhumdulilallah, But I dont think he gives me all my rights. For example right now I am ill and I have a very strange period,I asked him to take me to the doctors and he refused he doesn't think it is nessary even though I have told him that I think I am pragnant and it might harm the baby. He just says its in the hands of Allah (which I agree) But dont we have to take the nessary steps to take care of our selves? A thing to note is I am not allowed out with out him (which I'm glad for) but that means I cant go to the doctor by myself. After 8 days of having a strange period and feeling ill he is finelly taking me By the Mercy of Allah. Also if I approch him for my needs in the bed he gets angry and tells me that woman from back home would never do such a thing (back home being Arabic country)  
I would ask at a Halakah But I fear he might find out about my asking. By the will of Allah you are my only way to find out how to advise him. Please for the Sake of Allah try to help.

  Praise be to Allaah. 

The husband has to pay attention to these matters concerning his wife, but we must always be realistic and put up with the negative aspects and mistakes of one another, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No believing man should hate a believing woman. If he dislikes one of her characteristics he will be pleased with another.”  

With regard to the second matter, according to Islam there is nothing wrong with what you mention. Indeed it is the right of each spouse to enjoy intimacy with the other, and both should pay attention to the other’s needs. But in our Arab societies the man usually takes the initiative because the women tend to be shy, and this is something that is praiseworthy. I think that you should try to convince your husband that if customs and traditions have no basis in sharee’ah, there is no need to adhere to them. But if you cannot convince him then in both your interests, each partner should pay attention to the customs of the other.

Her husband threatened her with divorce if she covers her face or her head

Her husband wants to divorce her because she covers her face. Another woman has been threatened with divorce if she covers her hair. They live abroad (not in a Muslim country). Does this count as coercion that  would allow them to uncover in either the first or the second case?

Praise be to Allaah. 

We put this question to Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen, may Allaah preserve him, who answered as follows:

If this is a third talaaq (divorce), then yes, because it is irrevocable. In this case the wife is being forced. But if it is a first or second talaaq, then she should not pay any heed to him. He will be the first one to regret it. So let her continue covering her face and her hair. We ask Allaah to make her steadfast and to guide her husband. And Allaah knows best.

Is it permissible for a man to be present with his wife when she is giving birth?

Can a man be present during his wife's childbirth ?

Praise be to Allaah. 

Yes, it is permissible for him to be present when she is giving birth, because it is permissible for the husband to see all of his wife’s body with no exceptions. Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and one of his wives used to do ghusl from janaabah from one vessel. (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 264).

A number of questions about divorce

I have three urgent and, I believe,very imporatant questions about Divorce (Talaq).
1. Is what is known in the west as SEPARATION permitted in Islam? A muslim husband and wife with children living in the west are seriously considering divorce. Somebody suggested trying Separation first. The husband would move out to a place nearby but since they are still married there would be no problem comming in the house at any time. He would still continue to support the family in every respect.
2. For consummated marriage and with first Talaq, when does Eddah end? Is it the end of the third period (bleeding) or the beginning of the fourth one?
3. What is permitted during Eddah that would not constitute end of Talaq? I know that sexual intercourse is not, but is kissing, touching and hugging ok?

Praise be to Allaah.  

With regard to the first question, the answer depends on the circumstances. If what is intended by this action is to reduce the level of tension in the relationship, then they will come back together, or as a trial separation to see what effect that will have on them and their children so that it will help them to take a decision, and they both agree to this temporary separation, then there is nothing wrong with that. 

If this is a decision that they have both taken, and have agreed to separate from one another without divorcing, then it should be said that if the woman foregoes the rights that she will lose through this separation, and he also foregoes his rights over her, and they think that this is in their best interests and those of their children, and the place where the woman and her children will stay is a safe place where they will not suffer neglect, then that is permissible, subject to these conditions. But if she wants intimacy and he does not want to do that, or there is the fear that she may do something wrong whilst she is still married to him, and the like, then he should divorce her, but still continue to spend on his children. And Allaah knows best. 

With regard to the second question: the ‘iddah of a divorced woman who has periods, with whom the marriage has been consummated and who is not pregnant, is a matter concerning which classical and contemporary scholars have differed. The view which is regarded as most correct by the majority of contemporary scholars, such as Shaykh Ibn Baaz and Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, and others, is that the ‘iddah ends when three menstrual periods have passed, and as soon as the third period ends, the ‘iddah ends. This is the view of many of the major Sahaabah such as ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab, ‘Ali ibn Abi Taalib and Ibn Mas’ood, and it was narrated by Ibn al-Qayyim from Abu Bakr, Abu Moosa and others (may Allaah be pleased with them all). (See Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/310; Fataawa al-Talaaq by Shaykh Ibn Baaz, 193; Jaami’ Ahkaam al-Nisa’, 4/243).
With regard to the third question: “The women whose divorce is revocable (i.e., first or second talaaq) may uncover in front of her husband and adorn herself and wear make-up and perfume. She may speak to him and he may speak to her; she may sit with him and do anything with him apart from intercourse and the things that lead to it; that may only happen when he takes her back. (Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/310) 

If he kisses and embraces his wife with the intention of taking her back, then that taking back is valid, with no difference of opinion among the scholars. But if he does not intend to take her back, then some scholars say that it is permissible on the grounds that she is his wife, but that it does not mean that he has taken her back; other scholars say that embracing and kissing etc. are precursors to intercourse, so the one who does them is sinning if he does not intend to take her back. To be on the safe side, he should not do that until after he has clearly stated that he is taking her back, such as saying to his wife, “I am taking you back,” and two Muslim witnesses bear witness to his taking her back by him saying in front of them, “I ask you to bear witness that I am taking my wife So and so back,” and the like. Then he may do whatever he likes of permissible things. And Allaah knows best. 

(See Subul al-Salaam, 2/267).

He wants to help a divorced woman

What about young women who were forced by their parents to marry someone, without their will and are now divorced !
I know a person which I want to marry probably, she has to fight with negative thoughts that she is only half a woman and that she is a woman of second class after she divorced by her husband.Her family treatens her like a slave and she can't trust no men, after all it was the failure of her parents as she never wanted this marriage. I want to help her and I hope, when Allah gives me the help and the strength, to marry her.I do not know what to do because she is blocking and I hope that you can help me in helping her to get rid of this negative thoughts.I told her that I have no problem with the past situation but she means that my parents would have a problem with this. Are my parents allowed to forbid me to marry a person who was already married, when she is pure, religious and full of chasity?
I know that I need their will when I want to marry a person, but the Quran doesn't teach about such a situation.
How can I help her, I would do anything to give her the strength to get over this. Please help me !

Praise be to Allaah.

Undoubtedly the best is to marry a woman whom your parents approve of. If you want to help this woman by marrying her, then try to convince your parents, and you will be rewarded in sha Allaah. If they are not convinced, then look for a Muslim brother who can marry her and take care of her.

With regard to divorced women, if a divorced woman is religious and well-mannered, then she is of high standing and her divorce has no effect on her worth and does not make her of any less value before Allaah. She has to remain steadfast and not let these groundless ideas affect her. We would also like to draw your attention to the fact that it is not permissible to form a relationship with a non-mahram woman and call her or contact her for no reason, because of the temptation that this may pose to her or to you. We ask Allaah to give you and her strength.

Divorce uttered in anger

I would like to ask you about an incident happened 4 days ago to my muslim brother. He said to his wife that, he is giving her three talak at once and sweared after that. But after couple of hours he regret for saying that, and also claiming he was angry at the moment he was talking to his wife. So sheikh my brother wants to know if is he allowed to go back to his wife because it is its first time to say that or is not allowed? according to islamic sheria. I would like some qoutations on your decision because I heard different views from people but with no evidence from the sharia.

Praise be to Allaah.  

Anger is of three types:

 1 – when anger is so intense that are person is no longer aware of what he is doing or saying, and becomes like one who is insane or mad. In this case the talaaq (divorce) does not count, according to all the scholars, because he is like one who is insane and mad, who has lost all power of reason.

 2 – when his anger is intense but he understands what he is saying and doing, but his anger is intense and he cannot control himself because the argument trading of insults or fighting has gone on too long, so his anger may be intense because of that. In this case there is a difference of opinion among the scholars, but the most correct view is that divorce does not count in this case either, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no divorce and no freeing of slaves when it is done by force or in a state of intense anger.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 2046; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Irwa’, 2047)

 3 – mild anger, which is what happens when the husband is upset with his wife, or he is disappointed about something that his wife has done, but it is not so intense that it makes him lose his power of reasoning or self-control. Rather it is the ordinary kind of anger and is mild. In this case the divorce is valid according to the all the scholars.

 This is the correct answer regarding divorce uttered in anger, as was stated by Ibn Taymiyah and Ibn al-Qayyim, may Allaah have mercy on them.

 And Allaah knows best. May Allaah send blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad.

He was told that his wife had revived a previous forbidden relationship so he divorced her

My friend got divorced in this Ramzan and his wife was(is) 5 months pregnant as well .
The reason for divorce was that his wife had boy friends before marriage and someone said that after marriage also she would meet her ex boy friends .
On this reason he divorced her and under the influence of his parents.
Now what i want to know is was that a right path , did it have Allah's Sanction to this deed ?
what about the child who is in the womb ? What will happen to that baby and his/her future ?

Praise be to Allaah.    

What you have mentioned in the question covers a number of issues: 

1 – What you have mentioned about your friend divorcing his wife during her pregnancy is valid according to the consensus of the scholars, because of the hadeeth of Ibn ‘Umar in al-Saheehayn, according to which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Tell him to take her back, then to divorce her when she is pure (not menstruating) or pregnant.” That indicates that whoever divorces (his wife when she is) pregnant, the divorce is valid. (Fataawa al-Talaaq by Ibn Baaz, 1/45). 

2 – With regard to the reason that led him to divorce her, which is that person telling him that she had been meeting with her former boyfriend after marriage, we advise those who want to pass things on to make sure that any news is true before they pass it on, and that their intentions are good. Her husband too should have checked whether what he was told was true or not, and not divorce her on these grounds without verifying anything. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“O you who believe! If a Faasiq (liar — evil person) comes to you with any news, verify it, lest you should harm people in ignorance, and afterwards you become regretful for what you have done”

[al-Hujuraat 49:6] 

Hastening to divorce one’s wife without verifying anything and without giving oneself time to think it over is a rejection of the blessing of marriage for no valid reason and destroying the family which is a blessing that Allaah has bestowed upon the children of Adam, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect” [al-Room 30:21] 

If he finds out that something displeasing is true, then he may try to correct it through the means which he is permitted to use by virtue of his being in charge of his wife (qiwaamah), or he may separate from her, whilst also concealing her sin. 

3 – If the wife had previous relationships, before marriage, then she got married and repented to Allaah, and broke off all forbidden relationships, then she should not be rebuked for what is in the past, because the one who has repented from a sin is like one who has never sinned. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And He it is Who accepts repentance from His slaves, and forgives sins” [al-Shoora 42:25] 

It is not permissible to expose her, to tell everyone about her or to call her to account for the past; rather he should cover up her past and her secrets; whoever conceals the faults of a Muslim, Allaah will cover his faults in this world and in the Hereafter. 

Such cases explain to us the wisdom of the sharee’ah in forbidding everything that may lead to an improper relationship between a man and a woman, such as looking at a non-mahram woman, shaking hands with her, being alone with her, and so on, whether that is before marriage or afterwards. 

4 – With regard to the husband’s parents applying pressure on him to divorce her without any proof of the things of which she had been accused, obedience to parents should only be with regard to that which is good and proper, things that Allaah and His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) have permitted. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Obedience is only with regard to that which is good and proper.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 7245; Muslim, 1840). His parents’ orders to hasten to divorce her with no proven sin on the wife’s part is not something which is good and proper. 

5 – With regard to the foetus in her womb, the basic principle in sharee’ah is that that the child belongs to the (marriage-) bed and belongs to the husband, unless he disowns him, because of the hadeeth of the Prophet: ‘The child belongs to the (marriage-)bed and the adulterer is to be stoned.” (al-Bukhaari, 2053; Muslim, 1457). 

i.e., the child is to be attributed to the husband and no attention is to be paid to doubts and the like, especially in a case like this where the doubts are far-fetched. Islam encourages us to attribute children to their fathers, so this husband should not open the door to waswaas (whispers of the Shaytaan) with regard to his son who will be born to the wife he has divorced, because he has no evidence to the contrary. 

If this husband wants to go back to his wife after this divorce (talaaq), if she is still pregnant and he issued the talaaq once or twice, then she is still his wife according to sharee’ah, because her ‘iddah has not yet ended. Allaah says: 

“And for those who are pregnant (whether they are divorced or their husbands are dead), their ‘Iddah (prescribed period) is until they lay down their burden” [al-Talaaq 65:4] 

So he may take her back and ask two men to bear witness that he is taking her back; in this way she will become his wife again.  

But if she has already given birth and this was the first or second talaaq, then he may go back to her with a new contract, so long as it meets all the necessary conditions.  And he should beware of such news and take care to protect his wife and keep her away from places which may give rise to suspicion. And Allaah knows best.

Its the responsibility of every Moslem in learning quran and tajweed and we also must teach our kids Quran and not only the Quran teaching we should let then be aware of the basic of Islam and why it was reviled you bet it was railed and truth teaching of holy Quran and with tajweed quran we read Quran we can understand better all the responses that are called for if we study koran from a qualified Quran tutor he will let you know verity heart of Islam and why koran was reviled for it we should gain the information of the Holy Writ with there translation and the context of when those verses were reviled and why and that is only potential when we keep on with not simply learning quran for beginners but gaining the ability of Quran tafseer and one enquiry that we all is needed to ask our self that why we all are here in the world to do good acts or to do bad human activity to promote correct or to promote incorrect and will we be answerable to any one after this life of not then the inquiry remains the exact that reasons why we are here in the world but if yes then whom we have to respond is there any God Almighty All these response exist when we go deep in to the Quran education do Quran reading and the so let us connect hands to full fill our task. We all must do quran memorization and listen to quran online when ever we have time to stay in touch

 

He divorced her but did not send her the divorce papers

Her husband divorced her and the ‘iddah came to an end, but she cannot get the divorce papers from the Islamic centre or get any proof of the divorce from the courts in the city to which she has moved. Is it permissible for her to remarry?

Praise be to Allaah. 

We put this question to Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen, may Allaah preserve him, who answered as follows:

She should ask for an annulment of the marriage in the city where she has moved to, on the grounds that her husband is absent and is not sending her any money to live on. This annulment will take the place of a divorce. And Allaah knows best.

Her guardians are preventing her from getting married and she knows that the qaadi does not deal with such cases

I am a young woman who is nearly 25 years old, and I am not that pretty. No one has proposed marriage to me who has the character, religious commitment and compatibility that I had hoped for. A 28 year old man who is of good character and religiously committed proposed marriage to me, and he is compatible with me in terms of education and social standing, but my family rejected him, not because of any fault in him but because he is not of the same nationality as me.  My family are preventing me from getting married and I want to marry this man, I have become attached to him. I see in him someone who will look after me and protect my religious commitment in this time that is filled with temptations. 
In my country, cases of preventing marriage are not dealt with; if the judge does deal with them, he will not rule in favour of the girl, so as to avoid problems. This is based on knowledge from someone who works in the courts. 
No one knows about this suitor except my mother and my sister, and two of my four grown up brothers, one of whom hit me and humiliated me because I asked about this, and they forced me to appear normally in front of people, otherwise I would be hit and humiliated again. They are asking me for something I cannot do. I am very upset and depressed. My father is dead and I have a paternal uncle and two cousins, and they are like my family in not wanting me to get married, and even worse. They do not know about this suitor and I am certain that they would prevent me from getting married if they knew about him. It is extremely difficult for me to get in touch with them and tell them, especially my cousins. I do not have any relationship with them and I do not know how to get in touch with them at the time when my brothers are being very stubborn about this issue and mistreating me very badly.  Since my brothers do not want me to get married and I already know that my uncle and cousins would not let me get married, in addition to the harm that may befall me if they knew about it, can I dismiss them as my walis and choose a righteous wali who can arrange my marriage for me without me having to go to the qaadi , because he does not carry out the laws of Allaah? If I do that, will I be disobeying my family and my mother who is objecting to the marriage for the same reason? Please note that she is of the same nationality as this suitor!.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: 

It is not valid to get married without a wali (guardian), because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “there is no (valid) marriage except with a wali (guardian). Narrated by Abu Dawood (2085),  al-Tirmidhi (1101) and Ibn Maajah (1881) from Abu Moosa al-Ash’ari; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. 

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who gets married without the permission of her wali, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid… and if there is a dispute, the ruler is the wali of the one who has no wali.” Narrated by Ahmad (24417), Abu Dawood (2083) and al-Tirmidhi (1102); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ (2709). 

Secondly: 

If the wali refuses to marry the woman under his care to a man who is compatible and of whom she approves, then he is preventing her marriage (‘adl). Some of the scholars stipulated that in order for it to proven that the wali is preventing marriage, such refusals should have taken place several times. If the wali refuses several times to give her in marriage to a compatible man, then he is preventing her from marrying and guardianship passes to the next closest relative on the male side, then to the qaadi (judge).  

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: What is meant by preventing marriage is not allowing a woman to marry one who is compatible with her, if she agrees to that and if each one wants to marry the other. Al-Ma’qil ibn Yasaar said: A sister of mine married a man, then he divorced her. When her ‘iddah was over he came and proposed marriage to her (again), and I said to him: “She married you, was intimate with you and honoured you, then you divorced her, and now you come to propose marriage again! No, by Allaah, she will never go back to you.” He was a man with whom there was nothing wrong, and she wanted to go back to him. Then Allaah revealed these words (interpretation of the meaning): 

“do not prevent them from marrying”

[al-Baqarah 2:232]   

I said: Now I will do it, O Messenger of Allaah. He said: So he married her to him. Narrated by al-Bukhaari.  

This applies whether she asks to get married with a mahr like that of her peers or for less. This is the view of al-Shaafa’i, Abu Yoosuf and Muhammad. 

So if she wants to marry a specific person who is compatible, and he wants to marry her to someone else who is also compatible, and refuses to marry her to the one she wants, then he is preventing her marriage.  

But if she asks to marry someone who is not compatible, then he has the right to prevent her from doing that, and he is not (willfully) preventing her in that case.  

End quote 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: If the guardian refuses to arrange the marriage of a woman to a suitor who is compatible in terms of his religious commitment and good character, then guardianship passes to the next closest male relative on the father’s side, then the next closest. If they refuse to arrange her marriage, as usually happens, then guardianship passes to the shar’i judge, and the shar’i judge should arrange the woman’s marriage. If such a case comes to him and he knows that the woman’s guardians refused to arrange her marriage, then he is obliged to arrange her marriage, because he has general guardianship so long as family guardianship was not achieved.  

The fuqaha’ (may Allaah have mercy on them) mentioned that if the guardian repeatedly refuses compatible suitors, then he becomes a faasiq (evildoer) as a result; he is no longer regarded as being of good character and his guardianship is waived. According to the well known view of Imam Ahmad, he is no longer qualified to lead prayers, and it is not valid for him to lead a group of Muslims in prayer. This is a serious matter.  

As we have referred to above, some people reject the suitors who come to propose marriage to the women over whom Allaah has given them guardianship, even though they are compatible, but the girl may be too shy to go to the qaadi (judge) to ask him to arrange her marriage. This is something that really happens. But the woman should weigh up the pros and cons, and see which is worse: staying without a husband and letting this guardian who fools about and is careless control her life, then when she grows old and has no desire for marriage, he marries her off, or approaching the qaadi with a request to arrange her marriage, which is her shar’i right.  

Undoubtedly  the second alternative is preferable, which is going to the qaadi and asking him to arrange her marriage, because she is entitled to that, and because going to the qaadi and having the qaadi arrange her marriage is in the interests of other women as well, because other women will come as she has come, and because her coming to the qaadi is a rebuke to those wrongdoers who do wrong to the women whom Allaah has placed under their guardianship by refusing to marry them to compatible suitors. So this serves three interests:  

·        The woman’s own interests, so that she will not be left without a husband

·        The interests of others, as it will open the door for other women who are waiting for someone to set a precedent for them to follow

·        Preventing these unjust guardians who are controlling the lives of their daughters and other women whom Allaah has placed under their guardianship, on the basis of their whims and wishes.  

It also serves the purpose of establishing the command of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) who said: “If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your female relative under your care) to him, for if you do not do that there will be tribulation in the land and a great deal of corruption.” 

And it also serves a specific interest, which is making it easy for those men who propose marriage to women, whose are compatible in terms of religious commitment and character.  

End quote from Fataawa Islamiyyah (3/148).  

Thirdly:  

It seems from your question that your brothers are not preventing you from marrying another man who is compatible, so based on that you should not be hasty. Allaah may send you someone with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, and your brothers may also approve of him. 

And your brothers may have a reason for rejecting this suitor, because he is not of the same nationality as you. It is well known that many problems may arise in such marriages. 

If they repeatedly refuse to give you in marriage to one who is compatible with you, then you will have the right to go to the qaadi. If the qaadi is a coward and will not arrange your marriage because he is afraid of your walis, then the only choice you have left is to follow the view of Imam Abu Haneefah (may Allaah have mercy on him) and arrange your own marriage, and this will be a case of necessity. 

But it is better for you to refer to a righteous Muslim man to arrange your marriage for you. 

This is the ruling in such cases.  

But we do not suggest that you should get married without the approval of your family, because those who choose this option usually lose their families for good. Based on that, and before you make a decision, you should weigh up two options: 

Either get married in this manner and lose your family, or be patient and wait in the hope that there will come one of whom your family will approve and who will be pleasing to you too. 

The choice between these two options will vary according to circumstances. The first choice may be better for one who is older and who is running out of opportunities for marriage. And the second option may be better for one who is younger and hopes that if she waits a year or two, Allaah will send her a righteous husband and will relieve her of her problems. 

Finally, the entire matter is in the hand of Allaah, may He be exalted, so you must turn to Him and pray to Him to guide your family and bless you with a righteous husband and righteous children who will bring you joy. 

We ask Allaah to make things easy for you and to relieve your distress. 

And Allaah knows best.

Her wali repeatedly refused suitors; can she arrange her own marriage?

I am 31 years old teacher. I have been a teacher since 1996. In the end of 1997 a colleague proposed to me, and I asked him to wait until my older sister gets married. She got married in 2000, and then this colleague came to propose to me at home. My father refused him, although my mother accepted. He justified his refusal by saying that I will continue my masters and I might get appointed at university.   My father refused many men because none of them is good enough in his view and he thinks that my chance could be much better (an engineer was one of those who proposed to me). In 2002 I was appointed as a tutor at university, and many men proposed to me but my father refused because he thinks that marriage will distract me from my studies. One of them was a doctor; my father refused him because he thought that he is greedy of my salary. 
My first colleague proposed to me again but my father again refused him because he is a teacher while I am a tutor at university.
Although I told my father that I completely accept him as a husband for me as he is of a similar educational background, he is also resuming him masters. He is also of a similar cultural and social background as me. He is religious, moral and has good financial circumstances.  
Since 2003 until now, the end of 2006, no one proposed to me apart from the first colleague. He strongly wishes to marry me and I so do I. My father says that if I stay without marriage is better for him than if I marry a teacher because I have a big salary and I do not need marriage unless a really good chance comes. A good chance mean he must have a very good profession (specifically very few professions) and he must be rich. My father is serious about this. I am suffering a lot; my ambition is not to have a very respectful career. My ambition is to have a family. 
My question: 
Is it permissible for me to get myself married without my wali’s permission and approval? Is he an inadequate wali for me? Please answer me in detail, may Allah have mercy on you and reward you!.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: 

Marriage is not permissible and is not valid except with a wali, according to the majority of scholars, because of the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “There is no marriage without a wali.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (2085), al-Tirmidhi (1101) and Ibn Majaah (1881) from the hadeeth of Abu Moosa al-Ash’ari; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. 

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage except with a wali and two witnesses of good character.” Narrated by al-Bayhaqi from the hadeeth of ‘Imraan and ‘Aa’ishah; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ 7557. 

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who gets married without the permission of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. But if the marriage is consummated then the mahr is hers because she has allowed him to be intimate with her. If they dispute, then the ruler is the guardian of the one who has no guardian.”  Narrated by Ahmad (24417), Abu Dawood (2083) and al-Tirmidhi (1102); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ no. 2709. 

The woman’s guardian is her father; then her paternal grandfathers, no matter how far the line of ascent reaches; then her son and his sons, no matter how far the line of descent reaches (this applies if she has a son); then her (full) brother through her father and mother; then her (half) brother through her father only; then their sons, no matter how far the line of descent reaches; then her paternal uncles; then their children, no matter how far the line of descent reaches; then the father’s paternal uncles; then the ruler. (al-Mughni 9/355). 

But if the wali repeatedly refuses the proposal of a compatible suitor, he is to be regarded as preventing the marriage of the female relative under his care, and his guardianship is thus rendered null and void, and that right is transferred to the next closest relative on the father’s side. 

Secondly: 

The compatibility that counts here is compatibility in religious commitment. There is no difference between an Arab and a non-Arab, or between black and white, except in terms of taqwa (piety). Some of the fuqaha’ listed other conditions of compatibility, such as lineage and so on. The fact that the suitor is a teacher and you are a (university) tutor does not mean that he is not compatible with you, so long as he is of good character and religiously committed, and he is comfortably off in material terms, as you mentioned. 

Thirdly: 

What we think is that you should try to advise your father again, and seek help in doing so from someone who will be acceptable to him such as a relative or friend. If he agrees to give you in marriage to this suitor, this is what you want; otherwise you should refer to the matter to the guardian (wali) who comes after him, according to the order mentioned above. If he refuses to arrange your marriage, or there is a conflict among the guardians, then refer the matter to the qaadi and appoint him to arrange your marriage. 

Fourthly: 

What this guardian and others like him do is very strange, when they turn their daughters into trade goods to be offered to the highest bidder, or to the one who is better off than others. Even stranger than that is when they claim that the daughter has no need to get married! What does this poor man understand about need? Doesn’t he know that people need comfort, love and compassion, and that they have natural needs that Allaah has created in them, by His wisdom, may He be glorified? The woman’s wali has to fear Allaah and understand that preventing his daughter or sister from getting married to a compatible suitor who is pleased with her is regarded as wrongdoing and transgression and implies that he is an evildoer (faasiq) whose good character is sullied and whose testimony is to be rejected. 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:  

If the wali refused to let a woman marry a man whose religious commitment and character are good, then guardianship passes to the next closest male relative on the father’s side, then the next closest and so on. If they refuse to arrange her marriage, as usually happens, then guardianship passes to the qaadi, and the qaadi should arrange the woman’s marriage. If the matter is referred to him and he knows that her guardians have refused to arrange her marriage, then he should do that, because he is the wali in cases where there is no specific wali.   

The fuqaha’ (may Allaah have mercy on them) stated that if the wali repeatedly refuses marriage proposals from suitable men, then he is a faasiq (evildoer) and is no longer regarded as being of good character or as being a wali, rather according to the best known view of the madhhab of Imam Ahmad, he also forfeits the right to lead prayers and it is not valid to offer any congregational prayer behind him. This is a serious matter.  

Some people, as we have referred to above, refuse offers of marriage from compatible men, but the girl may feel too shy to come to the qaadi to ask for her marriage to be arranged. This is something that does happen. But she should weigh the pros and cons, and decide which has the more damaging consequences, staying without a husband and letting her wali control her life according to his mood or his whims and desires, and when she grows old and no longer wants to get married, then he will arrange her marriage, or going to the qaadi and asking him to arrange her marriage because that is her right according to sharee’ah. 

 Undoubtedly the second alternative is preferable, which is that she should go to the qaadi and ask him to arrange her marriage, because she has the right to that, and because her going to the qaadi and his arranging her marriage serves the interests of others too, because others will come just as she has, and her coming to the qaadi will serve as a deterrent to those who wrong those whom Allaah has put under their care and prevent them from marrying compatible men. In other words, this serves three purposes:  

1.     The woman’s own interests, so that she will not stay without a husband.

2.     The interests of others, because it will open the door for women who are waiting for someone to set a precedent they can follow.

3.     Preventing those oppressive walis who make decisions for their daughters or other women under their guardianship according to their own moods or what they themselves want.  

This also serves the purpose of establishing the command of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), who said: “If there comes to you (to propose marriage to your daughter) one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your daughter) to him, for if you do not do that, there will be fitnah (tribulation) on earth and widespread corruption.”    

It also serves a specific interest, which is arranging marriages for those who are suitable in terms of religious commitment and character, thus protecting them from going astray and falling into haraam.  

Quoted from Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/148 

We ask Allaah to help you to do that which in which is goodness and success. 

And Allaah knows best.

Her father engaged her to him, then her father died and her paternal uncles want to change the agreement

I am a 29 years old man. About two years and half ago I proposed to my work colleague. I agreed with her father about everything and we became engaged, by the will of Allah. During this period of time we had few arguments. I had a very good relationship with her father until he died last January, may Allah have mercy on him. Since the death of her father, my fiancée’s uncles have interfered in everything, and they tried to change the agreement I had with her farther. Eventually one of her uncles returned what I have bought of gold for my fiancée to me to end the engagement. Although my fiancée and I still want to continue. Some wise brothers interfered to solve this problem and both families were happy to maintain the relationship. But her uncles are stipulating illogical conditions to complete the marriage, in opposition with my previous deal with my fiancée’s father. What is the ruling of Islam on this situation? Is it permissible for her uncles to alter the stipulations of the agreement with her father? What is the solution for this stubbornness?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: 

Before answering your question, it is essential to draw your attention to the fact that working in mixed workplaces with men and women together is not permissible, and it is one of the doors that lead to corruption, as its effects on society are obvious. 

We have mentioned the evidence for the prohibition on mixing in question no. 1200. 

The one who is faced with the problem of working in a mixed environment – if he cannot leave that job – must avoid looking at women and being alone with them and talking to them about things that do not have to do with work. 

Among the negative consequences of haraam mixing is what happens between men and non-mahram women whom they call “work colleagues”, such as haraam looking, talking and correspondence, and in many cases it leads to haraam relationships. 

Secondly: 

With regard to your question, it seems from your question that you did not do the marriage contract with this woman. Based on that, you are still a “stranger” (non-mahram) to her so it is not permissible for you to be alone with her or to talk to her too much, until the marriage contract is done between you. The marriage contract with a woman is not valid unless it is done in the presence of her wali (guardian). As her father has died, guardianship passes to her paternal grandfather. If there is no paternal grandfather, then it passes to one of her brothers. If she has no brother then guardianship passes to her paternal uncles. The wali does not have the right to prevent marriage without an acceptable shar’i reason. If he does prevent her, then guardianship passes from him to the next closest relative, then to the sharee’ah judge or one who is acting in his stead. It should also be noted that the maternal uncles cannot be walis of the woman. 

See the order of guardianship in the answer to question no. 2127. 

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: If the woman likes a man and he is compatible with her, then her guardian, such as her brother then paternal uncles, must marry her to him. If they prevent her from getting married, then the next closest wali should give her in marriage, or the ruler, without (the wali’s) permission, according to scholarly consensus. The wali does not have the right to force her to marry someone she does not like, or to prevent her from marrying someone she does like if he is compatible, according to scholarly consensus. It is only people of ignorance and wrongdoing who force women into marriage or prevent them from marrying, who give their female relatives in marriage to people whom they choose for their own purposes, not the woman’s interests, and force them or embarrass them into doing that, and prevent them from marrying those they want out of enmity towards them or to serve some purpose. All of these are acts of Jaahiliyyah (ignorance), oppression and enmity, and are forbidden by Allaah and His Messenger. The Muslims are unanimously agreed that they are haraam. Allaah has enjoined women’s guardians to look at the woman’s interests, not their own whims and desires, like all other guardians and deputies who act on behalf of others. Their aim should be the interests of the one on whose behalf they are acting, not their own whims and desires. This comes under the heading of the trust (amaanah) that Allaah has commanded should be fulfilled, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):  “Verily, Allaah commands that you should render back the trusts to those, to whom they are due; and that when you judge between men, you judge with justice” [al-Nisa’ 4:58]. This is also part of sincerity that is required. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Religion is sincerity (naseehah)” three times. It was asked, “To whom, O Messenger of Allaah?” He said, “To Allaah, to His Book, to His Messenger, to the leaders of the Muslims and to their common folk.” 

Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (32/52, 53) 

But we advise you not to marry her without the agreement of her family; it is essential to gain their approval and win them over, so that you will not be a cause of breaking of family ties that may never be healed after that.

And Allaah knows best.