Saturday, 30 April 2011

Ruling on one who thinks that sihr is OK so long as it does not cause any problems

 

 

Ruling on one who thinks that sihr is OK so long as it does not cause any problems
What do you think about a man who used ruqyah, but he did not think that it helped him, so he turned from that to sihr (magic, witchcraft), and he says, I think that it is OK so long as it does not cause any problems?

Praise be to Allaah. 

Sihr is evil and is kufr. If a sick person is not cured by reading (Qur’aan and du’aa’s), then we should note that medicine does not guarantee a cure either, because not every treatment produces the desired result. Allaah may delay the healing for a long time, or the person may die from this sickness. It is not a condition of treatment that the person should be healed. If a person is treated by reading Qur’aan and does not recover, that is not an excuse for turning to sihr, because we are commanded to take the permissible means prescribed in sharee’ah, and we are forbidden to use haraam means. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “O slaves of Allaah, seek treatment but do not seek treatment with that which has been forbidden to you.” And it was narrated that he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah does not make your healing in that which He has forbidden to you.” 

All things are in the hand of Allaah, may He be glorified. He is the One Who heals whomsoever He wills, and He decrees sickness and death for whomsoever He wills, as He says (interpretation of the meanings): 

“And if Allaah touches you with harm, none can remove it but He, and if He touches you with good, then He is Able to do all things” [al-An’aam 6:17]

 “And if Allaah touches you with harm, there is none who can remove it but He; and if He intends any good for you, there is none who can repel His Favour which He causes it to reach whomsoever of His slaves He wills. And He is the Oft-Forgiving, the Most Merciful [Yoonus 10:107]

 So the Muslim must be patient and seek reward with Allaah. He must limit himself to the means that Allaah has permitted, and beware of that which Allaah has forbidden, whilst also believing that the decree of Allaah is beneficial and that His command cannot be put back, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meanings):  

“Verily, His Command, when He intends a thing, is only that He says to it, ‘Be!’ and it is! [Yaa-Seen 36:82]

 “And you cannot will unless (it be) that Allaah wills the Lord of the ‘Aalameen (mankind, jinn and all that exists) [al-Takweer 81:29] 

And there are many similar aayaat.

 Majmoo’ Fataawa wa Maqaalaat Mutanawwi’ah li Samaahat al-Shaykh al-‘Allaamah ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him), vol. 8, p. 112.

 

Thursday, 28 April 2011

April Fool

April Fool
In some foreign countries – kaafir countries – there is the well-known
custom of April Fool, which happens of the first day of April. Some Muslims are imitating them in this, thinking that it is permissible to tell lies on this day… what is your opinion on this belief and on this custom?

 

Praise be to Allaah. 

Lying
is not permissible at all, at any time. And it is not permissible to
imitate the kuffaar and to be like them, on this day or on any other, because the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever imitates a people is one of them.”

 

From the fatwaas of Shaykh Saalih Fawzaan in al-Shaqaa’iq magazine, no. 32, Safar

 

Now days we as Muslims have to spread the voice to learn quran and so we could gain the true knowledge and the quran teaching that is give to us by our beloved prophet Muhammad peace be upon him and do quran reading. Do we as Muslim ask our self that why we are at the peak of destruction? The answer will be simple that we have left our roots the holy quran we should guide promote Islam from in our homes first and let learn our kids quran  and encourage them in doing quran memorization this should be our first goal for it we can do different stuff like let then participate in different online quran recitation competition to let them listen quran from different online quran reciters and along with it we elders should learn quran also and improve our knowledge of quran and Islam and learn holy quran tafseer because to understand and learn quran Arabic and for this now a days there are many online quran tutor available who teach tajweed quran and its translation and tafseer so let us join our hands to be the voice of Islam and let improve the image of it as well and full fill our deputy

He prays and worships Allaah, but he is tempted by women

What can be done about one who prays and fasts and worships Allaah a great deal, and fears Him and obeys Him (as much as he can), but he is not able to control his natural impulses or stop himself from forming relationships with women or from committing sin sometimes, even though he tries hard to resist that. He is married with three children, two of whom are girls, and he has a good relationship with his wife.

Praise be to Allaah.
 

 

The most important principle on which a person’s life is
based is his faith in Allaah and the righteous deeds that are enjoined upon
him. This is the only protection against loss in this life. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 

“By Al‑‘Asr (the time).

2. Verily, man is in loss,

3. Except those who believe (in Islamic Monotheism) and do
righteous good deeds, and recommend one another to the truth, and recommend
one another to patience”

[al-‘Asr 103:1-3] 

This is also the means of attaining a good life in this world
and in the Hereafter. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Whoever works righteousness — whether male or female —
while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him
We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful
provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the
best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)”

[al-Nahl 16:97] 

But a person’s worship of his Lord should not be something
seasonal or occasional, whereby he obeys his Lord at certain times or on
certain occasions, then after that he does whatever he wants or feels like.
Rather his worship should encompass his whole life. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 

“Say (O Muhammad):
‘Verily, my Salaah (prayer), my sacrifice, my living, and my dying are for
Allaah, the Lord of the ‘Aalameen (mankind, jinn and all that exists).

He has no partner. And of this I have been commanded, and
I am the first of the Muslims’”

[al-An’aam 6:162-163] 

Because of that the effects of this faith and worship should
appear in the person’s life and in his behaviour. The believer cannot be a
liar. The adulterer cannot be a believer at the moment when he is committing
adultery. True faith prevents that, and true prayer keeps a person from
committing immoral actions. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Recite (O Muhammad) what
has been revealed to you of the Book (the Qur’aan), and perform As‑Salaah
(Iqaamt‑as‑Salaah). Verily, As‑Salaah (the prayer) prevents from Al‑Fahsha’
(i.e. great sins of every kind, unlawful sexual intercourse) and Al‑Munkar
(i.e. disbelief, polytheism, and every kind of evil wicked deed) and the
remembering (praising) of (you by) Allaah (in front of the angels) is
greater indeed [than your remembering (praising) of Allaah in prayers]. And
Allaah knows what you do”

[al-‘Ankaboot 29:45] 

I invite you to join us in a moment of honesty. Let us study
together the hadeeth reported by Abu Umaamah (may Allaah be pleased with
him), who said that a young man came to the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “O Messenger of Allaah, give me
permission to commit zina.”

 The people turned to him to rebuke him, telling him to be
quiet. But the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: “Leave him alone.” Then he came closer to him and told him
to sit down. He said: “Would you like that for your mother?” He said: “No,
by Allaah, may Allaah make me your ransom.” He said: “No, and the people do
not like it for their mothers either.” Then he said: “Would you like it for
your daughter?” He said: “No, by Allaah, may Allaah make me your ransom.” He
said: “No, and the people do not like it for their daughters either.” He
said: Would you like it for your sister?” He said: “No, by Allaah, may
Allaah make me your ransom.” He said: “No, and the people do not like it for
their sisters either.” He said: “Would you like it for your paternal aunt?”
He said: “No, by Allaah, may Allaah make me your ransom.” He said: “No, and
the people do not like it for their paternal aunts either.” He said: “Would
you like it for your maternal aunt?” He said: “No, by Allaah, may Allaah
make me your ransom.” He said: “No, and the people do not like it for their
maternal aunts either.”  

Then he placed his hand
on him and said: “O Allaah, forgive his sins and cleanse his heart, and
protect his chastity.” And after that the young man never thought of any
such thing again. 

Musnad Ahmad, 21705; al-Albaani
classed its isnaad as saheeh in al-Saheehah, 370. 

I ask you during this
moment of honesty before Allaah: would you want that for your daughters, or
for your wife? Then you should not want it for someone else’s daughter or
wife… 

Do not say that the sin that you have committed did not reach
the level of zina, for the question still remains: Would you want that for
your womenfolk and family members? You know that whoever approaches the
limit will soon transgress it, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said. 

If you are young, then there are other people who are also
young. If you are a man then there are other men among the people. 

If you think that you have any sense of gheerah (protective
jealousy) for your honour and that others do not have any sense of
protective jealousy, then you are mistaken and delusional and if we assume
that you are correct and that is not the case, then what about the
protective jealousy of Allaah concerning His sacred limits? At the time of
the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
there was an eclipse of the sun, and the Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) led the people in prayer. He stood (in
prayer) for a long time… then he moved away when the eclipse was over and
addressed the people. He praised Allaah, then he said: “O ummah of Muhammad,
there is none more jealous than Allaah when His male or female slave commits
zina. O ummah of Muhammad, by Allaah, if you knew what I know you would
laugh little and weep much.” Al-Bukhaari, 1044; Muslim, 901. 

Do you not praise Allaah for your wife with whom you are
living a good life? Are you not afraid?  

Don’t you realize now
that you have not been fearing Allaah, and have not even tried to? 

Allaah has set the limits of what is permissible for you:
your wife and those whom your right hands possess – i.e., slaves, for those
who had slaves. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts,
from illegal sexual acts)

6. Except from their wives or (the slaves) that their
right hands possess,
for then, they are free from blame;

7. But whoever seeks
beyond that, then those are the transgressors”

[al-Mu’minoon 23:5-7] 

What more do you want than that? Then you will be questioned
about what you did. 

Have you lowered your gaze as Allaah commands? 

Have you avoided being alone with women or entering upon
them, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
commanded? 

Have you protected yourself against shaking hands with women,
or touching a woman who is not permissible for you, as the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded? 

Don’t you realize now that you have not been fearing Allaah,
and have not even tried to? 

If you do what Allaah and His Messenger have commanded, and
avoided being tempted by women then the pure and permissible relationship
with your wife is sufficient for you.  

If you need to, then Allaah has permitted you to marry women
of your choice, two or three or four. If you cannot afford to do that, then
you have to fast, and it will be a shield for you.

Islam Q&A

 

Is this relationship brotherhood for the sake of Allaah or a relationship that is not acceptable according to sharee’ah

I am a religiously committed (praise be to Allaah) young man, studying in University in a Muslim Arab country, in which many young people have gone astray from Islam. It has become difficult to find righteous friends as the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) advised us to do and as is enjoined in the Holy Qur’aan. A while ago I got to know a girl who wears hijab, and she is the reason why I was guided. We only met on the bus or in the university in order to talk about religion and our love of Allaah, and to encourage one another to memorize Qur’aan and pray qiyaam al-layl, and to forbid one another to do things that Allaah has forbidden of indulging in falsehood and other mistakes that a person may make without realizing it. I started to long to meet her, because I found that speaking to her strengthened my faith and she helped me to keep on the straight and narrow. But I am confused about how to categorize this relationship and I am not sure whether to continue it or stop it, because she is not one of my relatives.


 Can I regard her as my sister in Islam? Is it permissible for me to speak to her on the bus or in the university? Is it permissible for me to look at her face?.


Praise be to Allaah.

Many people make the mistake of thinking that the
difficulties of our times and the lack of brothers and the corrupt
circumstances make it permissible to do things that may lead to their
doom, and they fall into the traps of the Shaytaan. 

Yes, beware of being deceived by the Shaytaan, who makes sin
appear to you as obedience, and comes to you through a door which you think
you have shut on him, for the Shaytaan keeps knocking at the doors of
misguidance and trying to open them to the slaves of Allaah and make them
fall into his traps. 

Have you not heard the words of Allaah (interpretation of the
meaning): 

“(Iblees) said: ‘Because You have sent me astray, surely,
I will sit in wait against them (human beings) on Your straight path.

17. ‘Then I will come to them from before them and behind
them, from their right and from their left, and You will not find most of
them as thankful ones (i.e. they will not be dutiful to You).’”

[al-A’raaf 7:16, 17]? 

Ibn al-Jawzi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in
Talbees Iblees (p. 52): 

Iblees tricks people in
whatever way he can, and his power over them increases and decreases
according to their alertness or negligence, their ignorance or knowledge. 

Note that the heart is like a fortress, and the devils are
always going around the fortress watching for the guards to become heedless.
The guard should know all the gates of the fortress which he has been
appointed to guard, and he should not let his attention slip for a moment,
for the enemy never lets his attention slip. 

A man said to al-Hasan al-Basri: Does Iblees sleep? 

He said: If he slept, we would have a break! End quote. 

The situation which you are asking about is one of the traps
of the Shaytaan. How many fires have been lit in the hearts of young men,
the first spark of which was a look or a smile or a meeting or a
conversation, and how often does that happen under the guise of
companionship, mutual advice and calling people to Allaah. 

When Islam forbade free mixing between men and women, and
forbade a man to be alone with a non-mahram woman, or to look at her or
shake hands with her, it was paying attention to the evil consequences of
such matters. Allaah is the Creator of mankind, and He knows best what is
good for them and what is bad for them. 

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: “No man is alone with a (non-mahram) woman, but the Shaytaan is the
third one present.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2165; classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani, 1758. 

What this means is that the Shaytaan is present with them and
provokes desire in each of them until he causes them to commit zina. End
quote from Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi. 

It was narrated from
‘Ali ibn Abi Taalib that a young woman from Khath’am came to the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and asked him a question.
Al-Fadl ibn ‘Abbaas was riding behind him on the camel and he turned his
face away. Al-‘Abbaas said: “O Messenger of Allaah, why did you turn away
your cousin’s face?” He said: I saw a young man and a young woman and I did
not feel sure that the Shaytaan would not try to influence them.” 

Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (885); classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. The hadeeth is also narrated in
al-Saheehayn. 

It says in Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah (12/163): 

Free mixing of men and
women for education is haraam and is a great evil, because it involves
fitnah, the spread of immorality and transgression of the sacred limits. The
evil and moral corruption that has happened because of this mixing is the
strongest evidence for it being haraam. End quote. 

The Committee was also asked (17/66) the following question: 

What is the Islamic ruling on friendships with the other sex,
knowing that this friendship is decent and chaste and is known to all, with
nothing hidden? 

They replied: 

This is one of the most serious of haraam actions and the
worst of evil deeds. It is not permissible for a woman to make friends with
men who are not her mahrams, or vice versa, because that is a means that
leads to fitnah and falling into evil deeds. End quote. 

With regard to looking at her face, we have stated in the
answer to question no. 1774 that deliberately looking at a non-mahram woman
is haraam. 

Our advice to you is to make a decision about this
relationship. Either take her as your wife, if this girl is
religiously-committed and of good character and you have grown fond of her,
or cut off this relationship with her and close this door, for it is the
door to evil and immorality, so do not leave it open lest you then regret it
when regret will be to no avail. 

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A

 

When is it obligatory for men to get married?

is it obligatory for men to get
married?

Praise be to Allaah.

The ruling on marriage for men differs
according to their situations and circumstances. Marriage is obligatory on the man who is
able to marry and longs to get married, and fears “hardship” otherwise, because
it is obligatory for him to protect himself from doing haraam deeds and to keep himself
chaste – and this can only be achieved through marriage.

Al-Qurtubi said: if a person is able to marry and fears that
he may be harmed or his religious commitment may be adversely affected if he remains
single, the only way to prevent this harm is through marriage, and there is no difference
of opinion among the scholars – they agree that marriage is obligatory on such a
person.

Al-Mardaawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his book Al-Insaaf:
Part Three: the one who fears “hardship”. In the case of such a person, marriage
is obligatory, and this is the unanimous opinion of the scholars…
“Hardship” here means zinaa (fornication), according to the correct opinion. Or
it was said that it means being doomed by committing zinaa… What is meant by
“Unless he fears that he may fall into committing forbidden actions” means, if
he knows or thinks that he will do that. In Al-Furoo’ it says: (marriage)
becomes obligatory only when he is sure that he will do that. (Al-Insaaf,
part 8; Kitaab al-Nikaah, Ahkaam al-Nikaah).

If he wants to get married but is unable to
spend on a wife, then he should adhere to the words of Allaah (interpretation of the
meaning):

“And let those who find not the financial means for
marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allâh enriches them of His Bounty” [al-Noor
24:33]

So he should fast a lot, because of the hadeeth narrated from
Ibn Mas’ood who said that the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: “O young people, whoever among you can afford to get married, let him
do so, for it helps one to lower the gaze and protect the private parts (i.e., remain
chaste). Whoever cannot afford it, let him fast, for it is a protection for him.”

‘Umar said to Abu’l-Zawaa’id: “Nothing is
stopping you from getting married except incapacity or immorality.” (See Fiqh
Al-Sunnah, 2/15-17)

Marriage is obligatory on anyone who is single
and committing sin such as looking or kissing. If a man or women knows or thinks it most
likely that if he does not get married he will commit zinaa – or whatever comes under
the same rulings or is similar to it, such as masturbation, then marriage is obligatory.
It is still obligatory even if a person knows that he will still commit sin after
marriage, because once he is married he will be less likely to commit sin, because he will
be distracted from it at least part of the time, whereas if he remains single he will
commit sin all the time.

Anyone who looks at the state of things in our times, how
there is so much immorality and so much temptation, will be convinced that the obligation
to marry is even more important now than at any time in the past. We ask Allaah to purify
our hearts, keep us away from haraam things and help us to be chaste. May Allaah bless our
Prophet Muhammad.

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid



She has repented from an illicit relationship but she wants to contact him in order to get married to him

I have recently started wearing hijjab al hamdilla and since then i have realized how dead iw as before hijjab.. This hijaab is a responsibility i have taken and i am trying my best to become a better muslim


Before hijjab i knew this boy and we liked each other .. i know relationships are haram .. but then i wasn't aware of right and wrong.. well.. hamdilla we never did zina.. i am now 3rd year university and he is 4th


he is mutdayin now too.. even if i dont talk to guys anymore.. i will always have feelings for him and i wish he would propose to me or at leat he would tell me something that will make me wait.. but that isnt possible


unless if i email him or try to contact him.. so.. my question is .. if i write him and emaling asking him if i should wait for him to propose or not.. will itbe haram? i want to marry him 3al sunat Allah wa rasooloh..


and i think maybe he thinks i don't like him anymore.. so please let me know if i should send an email or not.. he is a very muhtaram respectable man and he too doesnt talk to girls anymore.

Praise be to Allaah.
 

 

Firstly: 

It is well known in the religion of Allaah that it is
forbidden to follow in the footsteps of the Shaytaan, and that all the steps
that may lead to falling into something haraam are forbidden, even if they
are permitted in principle. This is what the scholars call “preventing the
means (that lead to haraam).” 

The basic principle of sharee’ah is that when Allaah forbids
a thing, He also forbids the ways and means that lead to it, so that it may
indeed be forbidden. 

We are happy when we hear of or see someone who has come back
to Allaah and to His religion after having lost their way, but at the same
time we fear that the Shaytaan may make what they used to do when they were
astray attractive to them, thus preventing them from following guidance and
making them go astray again.  

Obviously this is what we fear for the sister who asked this
question and for her former friend who has also repented. Hence we cannot
condone her idea of getting back in touch with the one with whom she had a
relationship before she was guided, even if that is on the basis of wanting
to get married according to sharee’ah. 

For a non-mahram woman to be in touch with a person with whom
it is not permissible for her to be in touch leads to evil consequences
which are obvious to any wise person. Hence Allaah has forbidden
establishing relationships and taking close female friends. We have already
posted some of the fatwas of the scholars on this issue. 

Secondly: 

With regard to the answer to your question, which may be
summed up as: Is it permissible for a woman to propose marriage to a man or
to tell him that she wants to marry him? The answer is that in sharee’ah the
word khutbah (proposal) refers to the man asking the woman. 

If a woman wants to marry some man, there is nothing wrong
with her sending someone whose religious commitment and honesty she trusts
to offer her in marriage to him, as Khadeejah (may Allaah be pleased with
her) did when she heard of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) and saw his good attitude and trustworthiness, and wanted to
marry him. So she sent one of her relatives to offer her to him in marriage,
and he agreed to marry her. 

Based on this, we say to the sister who asked this question:
If you want to marry this young man, and he has a good attitude and is
religiously committed, then there is nothing wrong with suggesting marriage
to him through a trustworthy relative of yours. 

You should avoid getting in touch with him or with any other
non-mahram men, because of the fitnah (temptation) involved in that. 

And Allaah knows best.

Ruling on delaying marriage because of studies for one who fears that he may do something haraam

 

I was born and raised a Christian, however since learning about Islam I have recently converted. Before my conversion I allowed a fallen Muslim to touch me. Since then I have not allowed for any touching, inappropriate words, or unsupervised visits. I have repented and so has he of these terrible acts. His parents are helping me to understand and follow the Quran. He has asked me to marry him, and I wish to do so. The problem is this: his parents wish for him to wait to marry until after college. Should I wait to be engaged or should I become engaged immediately?  I know that it is better to marry than to commit immoral sexual acts, and I am afraid that these acts will be very tempting, especially in our minds, even if we do not see each other alone (which I do not wish to do). I want to respect and love his family, and I do not know how to appropriately arrange for such things as marriage when they are the only Muslims I know. PLEASE HELP! I want to enter into a moral arrangement and I do not want to be a girlfriend!


Praise be to Allaah Who has guided you to Islam, and has
bestowed this great blessing upon you. We ask Him to keep you steadfast. One
of the blessings that Allaah has bestowed upon you is that Islam wipes out
whatever sins came before it, and we ask Him to accept your repentance and
the repentance of everyone who repents. 

 

With regard to engagement and marriage, our advice to you and
to this young man is to hasten to get married if possible, especially since
you are afraid of doing something haraam. In this case, the issue of
marriage takes priority over the issue of studying. So long as marriage is
what you both want, you should try hard to convince his parents of that.
Remind them of what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said to the young men: “O young men, whoever among you can afford to
get married, let him do so, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze
and in guarding one’s chastity. Whoever cannot afford that, then he should
fast, for that will be a shield for him.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5065;
Muslim, 1400.  

He can also remind them of how many temptations there are,
and that the Muslim has to resist them by every legitimate shar’i means
available. Undoubtedly marriage is one of the greatest means of protecting
oneself against these temptations. Indeed, the scholars state that marriage
is obligatory in such cases. (al-Mughni, 9/341). It may be sufficient
to do the marriage contract which meets the conditions stipulated in
sharee’ah, until you are able to do the waleemah (wedding feast) and
consummate the marriage, because this will make it permissible for him to be
alone with you and to touch you, because in this case he will be considered
to be your husband according to sharee’ah. If you can do that, this is good.
But if his family insist on refusing, and this young man is afraid of doing
something haraam, then he must try hard to get married if he is able to,
even if his parents do not give him permission, whilst also trying to please
his family as much as he can. If he is unable to do that, then either you
have to be patient and follow the advice of the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) to those who were not able to get married,
which is to fast, and try to keep away from places of temptation and
situations in which desire may be provoked, until Allaah brings you together
in a good way, or your legal guardian (wali) has to try to look for another
righteous person for you to marry, so that you will be safe from the risk of
doing something haraam. 

It should be noted here that if you become engaged according
to sharee’ah, that does not mean that he is allowed to sit with you or to
touch you or to go out with you or to speak to you unnecessarily, until the
marriage contract is done between you, fulfilling all the conditions
stipulated in sharee’ah. 

For more information on these conditions see Question no.
2127, 7193. And
Allaah knows best. 

We ask Allaah to make it easy for you to do the right thing
and to ward off evil and immorality from you. Ameen.

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

 

He wants to look at women in the street with the intention of proposing marriage

I live in a kaafir country where there is a lot of temptation. I want to get married and I am looking for a wife with certain features, especially beauty. I know that it is permissible to look at women with the intention of proposing marriage; is it permissible for me to look at women in the street in order to choose the one to whom I will propose marriage? Is it permissible, if I choose some girl and I like her and want to be sure that my family (who live in another country) will like her, to show her to a friend of mine even if it is for a few seconds?.

Praise be to Allaah.
 

 

It is not permissible to look at women in the street, because
Allaah has commanded the believers to lower their gaze. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 

“Tell the believing men
to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their
private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily,
Allaah is All‑Aware of what they do”

[al-Noor 24:30] 

If a person opens this door to himself, that is a dangerous
matter. At first the Shaytaan makes the idea of proposing marriage
attractive to him, until this becomes a regular habit, then he looks at
women with no intention of proposing marriage, rather just for the purpose
of looking at their beauty. 

The man who wants to get married should not look at the
unveiled women in the street, especially in that kaafir country where most
of the people are kaafirs or immoral. Rather he should ask virtuous and
knowledgeable people about virtuous and righteous women, and approach the
matter in the proper manner. 

With regard to looking at women in the street, this is
looking at their external beauty only, not their inward beauty which is more
important than outward beauty. What is the point if a man marrying the most
beautiful of women if she is lacking in good attitude and religious
commitment? 

You should check yourself and review the qualities that you
want in the woman you choose to marry, the most important of which is that
she should be religiously committed and have a good attitude. The Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A woman may be
married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty, or her
religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your
hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” (Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, 5090; Muslim, 1466) 

The purpose of marriage is not merely to satisfy one’s
desires and enjoy intimacy, so that the man need care about nothing more
than beauty; rather marriage is more sublime than that. So you should study
the true qualities of your potential life-partner, those qualities that will
make your life happy and calm, not a temporary happiness that will disappear
as desire fades, leaving nothing but trouble and sadness after that. And
Allaah knows best. 

It is not permissible for you to show your friend the women to whom you propose marriage, and it is not permissible for him to look at her. A man should have protective jealousy (gheerah) concerning his wife and his honour. The Sahaabah were impressed by the strong gheerah of Sa’d ibn ‘Ubaadah (may Allaah be pleased with him), and the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Are you amazed by the gheerah of Sa’d? I have more gheerah than him, and Allaah has more gheerah than me.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6846; Muslim, 1499.

 

Islam Q&A

 

Ruling on women looking at men

Is it permissible for a woman to look at men who are not her mahrams, or is that haraam?.


Praise be to Allaah.
 

 

Shaykh Muhammad ibn
Saalih ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked: 

What is the ruling on a woman looking at a man on TV or
looking in an ordinary fashion in the street? 

He replied: 

When women look at men, whether that is on TV or otherwise,
one of the following two scenarios must apply: 

1 – Looking with desire and enjoyment, which is haraam
because of the evil and fitnah (temptation) involved

2 – Simply looking with no desire or enjoyment; there is
nothing wrong with this according to the correct scholarly view, and this is
permissible because it was proven that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with
her) watched the Ethiopians when they were playing in the mosque, and the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was screening her
from them, and he approved of her doing that. 

Women walk in the markets and look at men even when they are
wearing hijab, so a woman may look at a man even when he does not look at
her, on condition that there be no feelings of desire or fitnah
(temptation). If there are any feelings of desire or fitnah (temptation)
then it is haraam to look, whether the man is on TV or otherwise. 

 

Fataawa al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 2/973.

 

Is it obligatory for a woman to get married?

Is it obligatory for a woman to get
married?

Praise be to Allaah.

In response to your question, we will look briefly at what some of the
Muslim fuqahaa’ have written on this topic. In Mawaahib al-Jaleel it
was said: “Marriage is obligatory for a woman who is unable to feed or clothe herself
unless she gets married.” In al-Sharh al-Kabeer, concerning obligatory
marriage it says: “If a person fears that he may commit fornication, it (marriage) is
obligatory on him.” In Fath al-Wahhaab, it says: “For the woman who has
(physical) desires, marriage is sunnah, just as it is for the one who needs maintenance
and the one who fears being taken advantage of by immoral persons.”

In Mughni al-Muhtaaj, it says: “(Marriage) becomes waajib
(obligatory) if a person fears fornication… And it was said that it becomes
obligatory if a person has made a vow (nadhr) to get married.” Then concerning
the ruling with regard to women: “If she needs to get married, i.e., she has physical
desires, or needs maintenance, or she is afraid that immoral people may take advantage of
her… it is preferable (mustahabb) for her to get married, because this will
protect her religion and her chastity, and she can enjoy what her husband spends on her,
and other advantages.”

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his book al-Mughni:
“Our colleagues differed as to whether marriage is obligatory. The best-known opinion
in our madhhab is that it is not obligatory, except when a person is afraid of committing
a forbidden deed if he does not marry. In that case he should make himself chaste (i.e.
get married). This is the opinion of the majority of fuqahaa’.”

When it comes to marriage, people are of three types, one of which is
those who fear that they may commit forbidden deeds if they do not get married. It is
obligatory for such people to get married, according to the majority of fuqahaa’,
because it is obligatory for them to make themselves chaste and protect themselves from
haraam. In Subul al-Salaam it says: “Ibn Daqeeq al-‘Eed said that some of
the fuqahaa’ said that marriage is obligatory for the one who fears sin or hardship
(because of suppressing physical desires) and is able to marry… and it is obligatory
for the one who cannot avoid fornication unless he gets married.”

In Badaa’i’ al-Sanaa’i’, it says:
“There is no dispute that marriage is an obligation when desire is strong. If a
person has such a strong desire for women that he cannot be patient, and he can afford to
pay the mahr (dowry) and support a wife, then if he does not get married, he is a
sinner.”

From the above discussion, we can see a number of situations in which
marriage is obligatory. You might ask: “How can we imagine a woman fulfilling this
obligation when usually it is the man who goes around knocking on doors looking for a
partner? This is not the woman’s role.” The answer is: what a woman can do to
fulfil this command is not to refuse marriage when a suitable, compatible man comes with
an offer of marriage.

Muslim women and men need to understand the high status which marriage
has in Islam, so that they will be more keen to marry. There follows a useful summary on
this topic by Imaam Ibn Qudaamah al-Maqdisi (may Allaah have mercy on him), from his book al-Mughni:

The basis of the legitimacy of marriage is the Qur’aan, Sunnah and
ijmaa’ (consensus of the scholars). In the Qur’aan, Allaah says (interpretation
of the meanings): ‘… marry women of your choice, two or three, or
four…’ [al-Nisaa’ 4:3] and ‘And marry those among you who are
single and (also marry) the saalihoon (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves
and maid-servants (female slaves)…’ [al-Noor 24:32]. The Prophet
(peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O young men! Whoever among you can afford
it, let him get married, for this will lower his gaze and protect his chastity. Whoever
cannot (get married), then let him fast, for fasting will be a protection for him.” (Agreed
upon). There are many other ayaat and reports like these. The Muslims agree
that marriage is legitimate.

Ibn Mas’ood said: “If I only had ten days left to live, and I
knew that I would die at the end of them, and I was able to get married, I would do so,
for fear of fitnah (temptation).”

Ibn ‘Abbaas said to Sa’eed ibn Jubayr: “Get married, for
the best of this ummah are those who have more wives.” Ibraaheem ibn Maysarah said:
“Taawoos said to me: ‘Either you get married, or I will say to you what
‘Umar said to Abu’l-Zawaa’id: There is nothing stopping you from getting
married but either impotence or immorality!’ According to al-Mirwadhi, Ahmad said:
‘Celibacy has nothing to do with Islam. Whoever calls you not to get married is
calling you to something other than Islam.’”

Then he said (may Allaah have mercy on him):

The benefits of marriage are many. They include: protecting one’s
religion and helping one to adhere to it; protecting and taking care of women; and
producing offspring and increasing the ranks of the ummah, thus achieving the pride of the
Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), etc. [Translator’s
note: there is a hadeeth which indicates that the Prophet
(peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) will feel proud of the large numbers of his ummah in the Hereaster, so
Muslims are encouraged to marry and have many children.]

It should now be clear that the benefits of marriage are
many. No wise Muslim woman would hesitate to get married, especially if an offer of
marriage comes from a person who is strongly committed to Islam and is possessed of a good
character and morals.

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

 

Is it obligatory for a woman to get married

Is it obligatory for a woman to get
married?

Praise be to Allaah.

In response to your question, we will look briefly at what some of the
Muslim fuqahaa’ have written on this topic. In Mawaahib al-Jaleel it
was said: “Marriage is obligatory for a woman who is unable to feed or clothe herself
unless she gets married.” In al-Sharh al-Kabeer, concerning obligatory
marriage it says: “If a person fears that he may commit fornication, it (marriage) is
obligatory on him.” In Fath al-Wahhaab, it says: “For the woman who has
(physical) desires, marriage is sunnah, just as it is for the one who needs maintenance
and the one who fears being taken advantage of by immoral persons.”

In Mughni al-Muhtaaj, it says: “(Marriage) becomes waajib
(obligatory) if a person fears fornication… And it was said that it becomes
obligatory if a person has made a vow (nadhr) to get married.” Then concerning
the ruling with regard to women: “If she needs to get married, i.e., she has physical
desires, or needs maintenance, or she is afraid that immoral people may take advantage of
her… it is preferable (mustahabb) for her to get married, because this will
protect her religion and her chastity, and she can enjoy what her husband spends on her,
and other advantages.”

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his book al-Mughni:
“Our colleagues differed as to whether marriage is obligatory. The best-known opinion
in our madhhab is that it is not obligatory, except when a person is afraid of committing
a forbidden deed if he does not marry. In that case he should make himself chaste (i.e.
get married). This is the opinion of the majority of fuqahaa’.”

When it comes to marriage, people are of three types, one of which is
those who fear that they may commit forbidden deeds if they do not get married. It is
obligatory for such people to get married, according to the majority of fuqahaa’,
because it is obligatory for them to make themselves chaste and protect themselves from
haraam. In Subul al-Salaam it says: “Ibn Daqeeq al-‘Eed said that some of
the fuqahaa’ said that marriage is obligatory for the one who fears sin or hardship
(because of suppressing physical desires) and is able to marry… and it is obligatory
for the one who cannot avoid fornication unless he gets married.”

In Badaa’i’ al-Sanaa’i’, it says:
“There is no dispute that marriage is an obligation when desire is strong. If a
person has such a strong desire for women that he cannot be patient, and he can afford to
pay the mahr (dowry) and support a wife, then if he does not get married, he is a
sinner.”

From the above discussion, we can see a number of situations in which
marriage is obligatory. You might ask: “How can we imagine a woman fulfilling this
obligation when usually it is the man who goes around knocking on doors looking for a
partner? This is not the woman’s role.” The answer is: what a woman can do to
fulfil this command is not to refuse marriage when a suitable, compatible man comes with
an offer of marriage.

Muslim women and men need to understand the high status which marriage
has in Islam, so that they will be more keen to marry. There follows a useful summary on
this topic by Imaam Ibn Qudaamah al-Maqdisi (may Allaah have mercy on him), from his book al-Mughni:

The basis of the legitimacy of marriage is the Qur’aan, Sunnah and
ijmaa’ (consensus of the scholars). In the Qur’aan, Allaah says (interpretation
of the meanings): ‘… marry women of your choice, two or three, or
four…’ [al-Nisaa’ 4:3] and ‘And marry those among you who are
single and (also marry) the saalihoon (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves
and maid-servants (female slaves)…’ [al-Noor 24:32]. The Prophet
(peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O young men! Whoever among you can afford
it, let him get married, for this will lower his gaze and protect his chastity. Whoever
cannot (get married), then let him fast, for fasting will be a protection for him.” (Agreed
upon). There are many other ayaat and reports like these. The Muslims agree
that marriage is legitimate.

Ibn Mas’ood said: “If I only had ten days left to live, and I
knew that I would die at the end of them, and I was able to get married, I would do so,
for fear of fitnah (temptation).”

Ibn ‘Abbaas said to Sa’eed ibn Jubayr: “Get married, for
the best of this ummah are those who have more wives.” Ibraaheem ibn Maysarah said:
“Taawoos said to me: ‘Either you get married, or I will say to you what
‘Umar said to Abu’l-Zawaa’id: There is nothing stopping you from getting
married but either impotence or immorality!’ According to al-Mirwadhi, Ahmad said:
‘Celibacy has nothing to do with Islam. Whoever calls you not to get married is
calling you to something other than Islam.’”

Then he said (may Allaah have mercy on him):

The benefits of marriage are many. They include: protecting one’s
religion and helping one to adhere to it; protecting and taking care of women; and
producing offspring and increasing the ranks of the ummah, thus achieving the pride of the
Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), etc. [Translator’s
note: there is a hadeeth which indicates that the Prophet
(peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) will feel proud of the large numbers of his ummah in the Hereaster, so
Muslims are encouraged to marry and have many children.]

It should now be clear that the benefits of marriage are
many. No wise Muslim woman would hesitate to get married, especially if an offer of
marriage comes from a person who is strongly committed to Islam and is possessed of a good
character and morals.

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

 

He has contacted her several times saying that he wants to propose marriage, but she does not know anything about him Add To Cart Doc Print Send to

 

I am a Muslimah, age XXX, from XXX. I accepted Islam 8 years ago when I was 16, Alhamdu lillah. For all of those years, I wanted so much to be a Muslim wife and mother, but since I live in a very small Muslim community (XXX), this did not happen.


A month ago I sent out my resume to find work in an Islamic school in a large Islamic community. The imam of an Islamic center in Florida left several messages on my answering machine. Days later, a brother called from the same masjid and said that he had lived in America for 10 years (he is originally from Saudi Arabia) and was looking for a wife. He is over thirty. He said that he wanted to marry me after he read my resume. (The imam gave him my resume since he knew he was looking for a wife.I was a college student of Islamic Studies.


I live with my mother who is a Muslim, but I have no male Muslim relatives. I do not know any Muslims in Florida either. This brother has continued to call me and talk to me while my mother is nearby and he also spoke with my mother and told her that he wanted her permission to marry me.


I want very much to get married In Sha' Allah, but I am very worried. I feel very vulnerable because I do not have a Muslim male relative who can check this brother out. Sadly I have heard of brothers who come to America and date women for years, or are involved in other bad activities. I am worried about this.


He has talked a lot about his love for Islam and da'wah. He says he is so happy that I have a Muslim mother and he wants me to support me if we get married and possibly move to Saudi Arabia. But I was worried also because he said that he has had a beard most of the time, but has on occasion shaved it off. This concerns me because I know keeping the beard is important and is Sunnah.


The most important quality for me in a husband is both his belief and practice of Islam. Books I have read on Islamic marriage say that you will never find a perfect spouse, but to look for their religiousness. How do I know if this brother is good or not? How do I know if he is really committed to islam? What should I look for? Please help, In Sha' Allah.


  I just submitted a question and wanted to add something extra: the brother who wants to marry me has been calling me every day, sometimes twice a day. Also, he has never seen me either in person or in photograph, but still seems certain he wants to marry me.

Praise be to Allaah.
 

 

The way in which this man has been behaving with you is to be
considered wrong, especially his talking to you every day. You should avoid
that and your mother should ask him to stop it. If he is sincere in his
desire to marry you then he should behave in the manner prescribed in
sharee’ah, by approaching your wali (guardian) to propose marriage to you.
If you do not have a Muslim wali, then your wali is the Muslim ruler in the
land where you live. If there is no Muslim ruler, then the wali is a person
to whom other Muslims refer, or one who is influential among them, in the
place where you live, such as the director of the Islamic center or the
imaam or khateeb. He should check him out and find out how fit he is to be a
good husband or otherwise. 

With regard to the things that you should look for in a
husband, you will find the answer to that under question no.
5202. You can also refer to question no.
389 and no. 2127
to find out the conditions of a wali for a Muslim woman. 

We ask Allaah to make it easy for you to find a righteous man
who will help you to obey your Lord… Ameen.

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

 

She wants to marry a person she loves but her family are refusing to let her

I have been talking to a guy that I have very stong feelings for, and now we are thinking of taking it to another level which is marriage. THe only problem is that my parents dont agree. They feel that he is not worth of me and they feel that he will not treat me right! They have no valid reason other than the fact that alot of times they see us arguing bas it's normal. I really love this guy and I am scared that when he comes and ask's for me my parents wont agree. What is the quaran's ruling on this?.

Praise be to Allaah.
 

 

Firstly: 

It is not permissible for a woman – whether she is a virgin
or previously married – to get married without the permission of her
guardian. This has been explained previously in a number of answers. Please
see Question No.
2127

Secondly: 

The family – customarily and usually – is able to know what
is best for their daughter and who is best suited to marry her, because
usually girls have little knowledge and experience of life and what is best
for them, and they may be deceived by some nice words, and be ruled by their
hearts rather than by their heads. 

Hence a girl should not go against her family’s opinion, if
they are known for their religious-commitment and wisdom. But if a woman’s
guardians reject husbands for no valid reason, or if their criteria for
choosing a husband are not acceptable by the standards of sharee’ah – such
as if they prefer a rich evildoer over one who is religiously committed and
of good character – then it is permissible for the girl to refer the matter
to the qaadi (sharee’ah judge) to annul the guardianship of the one who is
not letting her get married, and pass that role to someone else. But this is
not applicable in this case, because what is stopping the family from
agreeing to this husband is what they think is in the best interests of
their daughter, and this has to do with the character and attitude of the
husband. 

Thirdly: 

The things that lead to love between a young man and a young
woman may be things that are not Islamically acceptable, such as mixing,
being alone together, speaking, exchanging pictures, and so on. If this is
the case then a woman should realize that she has done something haraam, and
this is not the standard by which the man’s love for her should be measured.
For usually at this stage the man shows his best side and makes his
behaviour look as good as possible, so he can win the girl’s heart and get
what he wants.  If what he wants is haraam, then she will be like a victim
for the wolf and will lose the most precious thing that she possesses after
her religion. If what he wants is permissible – namely marriage – then he
has gone about it in a way that is not permissible. Moreover, she may get a
shock when she sees his attitude and how he treats her after marriage. This
is the fate of many wives. 

So the family has to make a good choice for their daughter.
They should find out more about the husband, and they should not judge a
person on the basis of heated discussion that may be justifiable. What
matters is the man’s attitude and religious commitment. The family should
also remember the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him): “We do not think there is anything better for two who love one
another than marriage.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1847; classed as saheeh by
al-Busayri and al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 624. 

The girl has to obey her family, for they know best what is
in her best interests, and all they want is for her to be happy with a
husband who will respect her and give her her rights. 

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A

 

Internet relationships

I am a female college student. My problem is that I have gotten to know a young man over the internet. In the beginning the relationship was one of respect and exchanging information, until it turned into love. My mother rejects the idea of me marrying him, and she has threatened to tell my father about this relationship. I cannot do without him and he feels the same way, because he has told me that he will commit suicide if we cannot get married. 


I hope that you can advise me. I cannot be apart from him and he does not.


Praise be to Allaah.
 

 

Note – may Allaah bless you – that our great religion firmly
warns us against forming relationships between the sexes outside the
framework of marriage and firmly closes the door to the calamity of
introduction programs that are propagated by means of newspapers, magazines
and the internet. These warnings are a means of warding off fitnah
(temptation and tribulation) and preventing love affairs which usually lead
people to commit acts of grave immorality and transgression of the sacred
limits set by Allaah – Allaah forbid – or they lead them to marriages that
end in failure and are filled with suspicion and mistrust.

First of all, you made a mistake by entering the chat room
before knowing what the Islamic ruling on that is. Then you made another
mistake by forming a relationship and friendship with a young man who is not
related to you.

Beware of making a third mistake by marrying him because he
claims to love you sincerely and you are afraid that he may commit suicide! 

Marriage that is not based on a sound Islamic foundation is
doomed to end in failure and regret. A young man who has spent all this time
forming a relationship with a girl through chat rooms and telephone calls is
in fact a young man who has no religious commitment, modesty or manners, and
he cannot be entrusted with the honour of the Muslims. His threat to commit
suicide means one of two things: 

Either he is sincere in his threat, which means that he is
very weak in faith, because killing oneself is a major sin – may Allaah keep
us safe and sound;

 Or he is lying, which means that he is a hateful opportunist
and a fool, as well as a selfish individual who cares only for his own
personal interests.  

If you were to marry this person, it would not take very long
before suspicions arose which would lead to him losing trust in you and not
having a peaceful or relaxed life with you. From his point of view, a girl
whom he gets to know through talking on the phone or through chat rooms
cannot be trusted not to form relationships with others. This will occupy
his thoughts and make him anxious. 

Finally, you should note that this advice which we are
offering to you is based on sincere concern for you. You should learn a
lesson from the experience of other girls who have fallen victim to love
relationships and lost their honour as a result. You should give up this
young man immediately and repent to Allaah and ask His forgiveness, and
praise Him for saving you from committing immoral actions even though the
means that lead to them are easily available. You should also praise Him for
putting obstacles in the way of this marriage, through your family’s
refusal. Start a new life filled with purity and chastity, regret and
prayers for forgiveness, keeping away from the things that lead to
temptation and immorality. Do a lot of righteous deeds, read a great deal of
Qur’aan, and attend many righteous gatherings. With time, your relationship
with this person will fade, for it is based on emotions that are not based
on shar’i guidelines or wise thinking. Beware lest the Shaytaan ensnare you
and makes you think that you cannot forget or sever the relationship
forever; these are just whispers and tricks, and devilish attempts to keep
you in the hell of love and emotion, and distract you from the higher aims
of sincere devotion and submission to Allaah and constant striving to please
Him. We ask Allaah to give you a way out from your distress and anxiety. 

 

Dr Riyaadh al-Musaymeeri.

 

He is in love with a girl and she loves him but he says that they are doing something good

Praise be to Allaah, Allaah has guided me but in a strange way. What encouraged me to do that was a woman. She nearly destroyed me; she loved me but it was not a permissible kind of love. I got to know her through the internet, and I ask Allaah to forgive me for that. Now she is advising me and I am afraid that if I leave her she will do something to herself. I am also afraid that if she gets married and there are problems between her and her husband, she will say, “So and so is better than you, I wish that I had married him,” meaning me. How often I tried to leave her but I could not, for one reason, which is that we are attached to one another, the reason being that we get along and we are cooperating in righteousness and piety; she obeys me in anything that is pleasing to Allaah. I want to marry her, but she is engaged to one of her relatives and her family refuse to entertain the idea of her marrying a stranger. Every time I get away from her I feel that I am alone, and the Shaytaan comes to me when I am alone and tempts me. When I speak to her I feel at ease, because she reminds me of Allaah. Please help me, may Allaah have mercy on you.

Praise be to Allaah.

You should not hesitate to give up this girl and keep away
from her. The Shaytaan has clearly confused you both; he has made you do
something haraam, and has made it appear attractive to you by making you
think that it is obedience and drawing closer to Allaah. 

What you say in your
question is indicative of what we are saying. You say, “[Allaah] has guided
me”, “she is advising me”, “she obeys me in anything that is pleasing to
Allaah”, “we are cooperating in righteousness and piety” and “she reminds me
of Allah”. All of these are words that are acceptable in Islam, but the
Shaytaan has made them into lovers’ words.  

We are certain that you would not agree for any of your own
sisters or daughters to enter into such a relationship, would you? So why do
you think that it is acceptable for other people’s daughters? 

Do you think that if your own daughter did something like
this, corresponding and speaking to a non-mahram man when she is engaged to
one of your relatives, that you would approve of her actions, even if she
were to say to you, “Allaah has guided this young man at my hands, and I
remind him about Allaah, and we are cooperating in righteousness and piety,
and I am advising him”?! 

I do not think that you would like it if your fiancée were to
correspond with a young man, or if a young man were to correspond with her
on the grounds of “sincere advice” or “cooperating in righteousness and
piety” etc. 

No, by Allaah, we do not think that any wise person would
accept this, so do not be deceived by the Shaytaan’s making your deeds
appear attractive to you. End this relationship immediately and let this
girl go; do not worry about what she may say to her husband, because you are
not responsible for her and you have nothing to do with her. You don’t know
– perhaps she will marry someone who is better for her than you! 

You say that she is engaged, and the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No man should propose to a woman to
whom his brother has already proposed marriage.” (Agreed upon). So it is not
permissible to do things the right way and approach her family, asking to
marry her; so how can it be permissible for you to speak to her and
correspond with her without her family knowing? 

Fear Allaah, and leave her without any hesitation. Do not get
in touch with her again. Leave her and her business and her family alone.
Any woman who agrees to speak to non-mahram men when she is engaged or
married cannot be entrusted with a household or with the upbringing of her
daughters and sons. Beware lest Allaah punish you with regard to your own
family and children. I ask Allaah to guide you and help you. Give this up
for the sake of Allaah and Allaah will compensate you with something better
than that which you have given up. 

See also the answer to questions no.
47405 and
36618 

We ask Allaah to help you to do that which is best for you in
this world and in the Hereafter. 

And Allaah is the Source of strength.

Islam Q&A

 

The punishment for zina (fornication, adultery) and how to keep oneself from going back to it

 

 

The punishment for zina (fornication, adultery) and how to keep oneself from going back to it
The problem is that I am a young man of thirty years of age. I got to know a girl who is nineteen years old who used all kinds of means to get to know me and get close to me. Without much talk or discussion, she went with me to my flat and I had intercourse with her dozens of times. There was a moment when I felt that I was about to die and I wanted to repent. I went to my father and asked him to get me married, and in fact I got married to a righteous girl from a respectable family. My main aim in marriage was to seek a woman who was religiously-committed, and this is what happened, for she is religious and is the daughter of a respected shaykh. 


But my problem has become worse. Despite the fact that I have been successfully married – in everyone else’s eyes – for over a year and a half, I suddenly realized that I still feel love for the first girl with whom I had intercourse, and I am not able to leave her. Since I got married, I have not touched her or gone near her, but not a day goes by without me getting in touch with her by phone, and I do not want to hide from you the fact that I masturbate with my hand while I am speaking to her on the phone. I feel as if I am trapped by this girl and now she is not after me as much as I am after her. When we meet I feel scared to touch her, because I fear going back to zina. 


My problem is simply psychological, which is how to discipline [?] myself and convince myself to keep away from this girl for once and for all, even though my wife is more beautiful than her and is better and she does everything she can to keep me chaste. Hence I despair of myself and I do not know how to sort myself out, despite the fact that everyone around me describes me as being good-hearted, loving good for people, shedding tears for the calamities and needs that befall people; they say that I try harder to do good for people than they do themselves, happily and willingly, and without them knowing about that, following the words of the Messenger of Allaah, “A man who gives in charity and conceals it so that his left hand does not know what his right hand is giving.”


 Please help me to that I can be content with myself and be a righteous person.


 

Praise be to Allaah.
 

 

We ask Allaah to relieve your distress and that of everyone
who is distressed. From your question we may note the following: 

1 – The fact that you have cut off the route to the Shaytaan,
and are preventing him from continuing to tempt you, by getting married is
something commendable, which points – in sha Allaah – to the goodness in
your heart. 

2 – In order for you to be sincere towards your Lord in your
repentance, and so that Allaah may change your bad deeds (sayi’aat) into
good deeds (hasanaat), you have to stop thinking about the first woman. Do
not follow in the footsteps of the Shaytaan, and do not get carried away
thinking about her, let alone speaking to her on the telephone, let alone
meeting her, let alone doing anything that is more serious than that. 

3 – Since it was thinking of death that led you to leave the
first woman and get married, you should never stop thinking of it. This is
the best advice a person may be given, whether he is falling short in
obeying Allaah, or he is doing something that earns the wrath of Allaah.
This is what gives the one who is falling short the motive to strive,
because when death comes, good deeds are no longer recorded. It also gives
the one who is doing evil actions the motive to stop and give them up,
because a person’s deeds are judged according to his last deeds. It is
sufficient for you to think of one thing: what if Allaah were to take your
soul when you were masturbating while talking to this woman? What if Allaah
were to take your soul when you were having unlawful intercourse with her? 

My brother, think about it. Do you want to come out of your
grave on the day when mankind is resurrected, holding onto your private
part? Do you not see the great difference between this and between being
resurrected prostrating or reciting the Talbiyah (as on Hajj or ‘Umrah) or
remembering Allaah? 

4 – The way in which you describe yourself makes us feel that
there is much that is good in you, so beware of losing the reward for this
goodness by having a bad end. Beware of depriving yourself of the reward for
these virtues by committing such a major sin that will bring the wrath of
your Lord upon you.  

5 – You have no excuse for this relationship, for you are
married to a woman who – as you say – is more beautiful and is better than
the first one, so why not thank Allaah for giving you a halaal means of
satisfying your desires? Why are you not content with that which Allaah has
decreed for you of permissible things? 

Your sin in doing these haraam deeds is worse than if you
were not married. You are not single, rather Allaah has blessed you with the
means of satisfying your desires in a permissible way. So whenever the
Shaytaan makes you think of her (the first woman), go to your wife and seek
refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan. 

6 – We give you the best advice, which is to make du’aa’. Get
up in the latter part of the night and beseech your Lord, submitting
yourself to Him and humbling yourself before His Majesty, asking Him to rid
you of the problem. Turn to your Lord and call upon Him, for He is the best
One to be asked – may He be glorified – and He does not turn away His slaves
if they are sincere. 

7 – Do you know that by thinking of this girl, getting in
touch with her and meeting her, the Shaytaan may cause you to fall into that
which you did before? I hope that you will not be over-confident and think
that you will be able to resist, for the one who is ruled by his desires is
weak, and whoever walks for a few steps with the Shaytaan will walk with him
to the end. But you should know that you are incurring the wrath of the
Compeller (al-Jabbaar) and that you are committing one of the gravest acts
of disobedience against Allaah after shirk. 

Imaam Ahmad (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: I do not
know of any sin after murder that is worse than zina, and he quoted as
evidence the hadeeth of ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood who said: “O Messenger of
Allaah, which sin is the worst?” He said, “Setting up a rival to Allaah when
He is the One Who created you.” [‘Abd-Allaah] said: “Then what?” He said,
“Killing your child for fear that he may eat with you.” [‘Abd-Allaah] said,
“Then what?” He said, “Committing adultery with your neighbour’s wife.” And
confirmation of that was revealed in the Qur’aan: 

“And those who invoke not any other ilaah (god) along with
Allaah, nor kill such person as Allaah has forbidden, except for just cause,
nor commit illegal sexual intercourse
and whoever does this shall receive the punishment”

[al-Furqaan 25:68] 

You must also understand the effects that zina has on the
soul (or on one’s psyche). Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him)
said: 

Zina encompasses all the characteristics of evil: lack of
religious commitment, loss of piety, loss of chivalry, lack of protective
jealousy (gheerah). You will not find any adulterer who is pious, or keeps
his promises, or speaks truthfully, or is a good friend, or has complete
protective jealousy towards his family. Treachery, lying, betrayal, lack of
modesty, lack of awareness that Allaah is always watching, lack of chivalry,
loss of protective jealousy from the heart – these are the effects and
implications of zina. 

One of the effects of zina is that it earns the wrath of
Allaah because His sacred limits are transgressed. If a man were to do such
a thing to any king, he would meet the direst consequences. Another effect
of zina is the darkening of the face, and the grimness and misert of face
that are apparent to other people. Another effect of zina is darkness of the
heart and the extinguishing of its light, which is what causes the
extinguishing of light in the face and the darkening thereof. Another effect
of zina is the poverty that it leads to. Another effect of zina is the loss
of respect towards the one who does it, and the lowering of his status in
the eyes of his Lord and in the eyes of His slaves. Another effect of zina
is that is causes him to lose the best of attributes, namely chastity,
goodness and righteousness, and it earns him their opposites, namely
immorality, evildoing, adultery and betrayal. Another effect of zina is that
it causes him to lose the title of believer, as it was narrated in
al-Saheehayn that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: “No adulterer is a believer at the moment when he is
committing adultery.” Another of the effects of zina is that it exposes one
to the possibility of being one of the inhabitants of the oven (tannoor) in
which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saw the
adulterers and adulteresses. Another of the effects of zina is that it takes
away the goodness which Allaah described as the attribute of those who are
chaste, and replaces it with the evil which Allaah described as the
attribute of the adulterers, as Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning): 

“Bad statements are for bad people (or bad women for bad
men) and bad people for bad statements (or bad men for bad women). Good
statements are for good people (or good women for good men) and good people
for good statements (or good men for good women)”

[al-Noor 24:26] 

Allaah has forbidden Paradise to every evil person, and He
has made Paradise the abode of the good, and no one will enter it but those
who are good. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Those whose lives the angels take while they are in a
pious state (i.e. pure from all evil, and worshipping none but Allaah Alone)
saying (to them): Salaamun ‘Alaykum (peace be on you) enter you Paradise,
because of that (the good) which you used to do (in the world)”

[al-Nahl 16:32] 

“and its keepers will say: Salaamun ‘Alaykum (peace be
upon you)! You have done well, so enter here to abide therein”

[al-Zumar 39:73] 

So they will deserve the greeting of the angels and admission
to Paradise because of their goodness. But the adulterers are among the most
evil of creation, and Allaah has made Hell the abode of evil and its people.
When the Day of Resurrection comes, the evil will be distinct from the good,
and the evil will be piled up together, then it and its people will be
thrown into Hell. No one who is good will enter Hell and no one who is evil
will enter Paradise. Another of the effects of zina is the sense of
alienation which Allaah instills in the heart of the adulterer, and this is
like the alienation that shows on his face. For the one who is chaste has
sweetness in his face and contentment in his heart, and whoever sits with
him feels at ease with him. But the adulterer has signs of alienation in his
face and whoever sits with him will feel uneasy. Another of the effects of
zina is lack of respect, as his family, friends and others lose respect for
him, and he becomes the most despicable thing in their sight; this is in
contrast to the chaste person, who is blessed with dignity and sweetness.
Another of the effects of zina is that people will regard him as a traitor
and no one will trust him with regard to his wife or child. Another of the
effects of zina is the foul odour that will emanate from him and be detected
by everyone who has a sound heart; it will emanate from his mouth and body,
and were it not for the fact that there are all the people have a similar
odour, that smell would spread far and wide. 

Another of the effects of zina is that he will feel uneasy
and distressed, for adulterers are doing the opposite of what they are
seeking. Whoever seeks the enjoyment and good things of life by means of
that which Allaah has forbidden, Allaah will punish him by letting him get
the opposite of that which he is trying to achieve. For that which is with
Allaah can only be attained by obeying Him, and Allaah never makes
disobedience towards Him the means of attaining anything good. If the
immoral person only knew what delight, happiness, ease and good living there
is in chastity, he would realize that the delights that he has missed out on
are many times greater than those which he may have enjoyed, let alone the
consequences in the Hereafter, when the chaste person will attain the reward
of Allaah and will be honoured by Him. Another of the effects of zina is
that he has exposed himself to missing out on the delights of al-hoor
al-‘iyn in the beautiful abodes of the Garden of Eden (Jannaat ‘Adan). We
have stated above that Allaah will punish those who wear silk in this world
by depriving them of it on the Day of Resurrection, and He will punish those
who drink wine in this world by depriving them of it on the Day of
Resurrection. Similarly, those who enjoy forbidden images in this world will
also be deprived of such in the Hereafter. Indeed, everything that a person
gets in this world, if he indulges in it by permissible means, his share of
it on the Day of Resurrection will be reduced to the extent that he indulged
in it. And if he got it from haraam sources, he will lose out on it
altogether on the Day of Resurrection. Another of the effects of zina is
that zina leads to cutting the ties of kinship, disobedience towards
parents, haraam earnings, mistreating others, neglect of one's wife and
children, and it may even lead a person to shed blood unlawfully. He may
seek help to commit zina by means of sihr (witchcraft) and shirk, and he may
or not know that this sin inevitably includes other sins committed
beforehand or alongside it, and that it leads to other kinds of sins that
come after it. It is surrounded by a host of other sins that come before and
after. It is the thing that is most likely to bring about evil in this world
and the Hereafter, and the most likely to prevent good in this world and in
the Hereafter. If a person falls into its traps and snares, it will be hard
for sincere people to save him and for doctors to treat him; its prisoner
cannot easily be ransomed, and its victim cannot be rescued. It also leads
to the loss of blessings. If a person falls into this trap, let him bid
farewell to the blessings of Allaah, for blessings may easily depart from a
person and vanish. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“That is so because Allaah will never change a grace which
He has bestowed on a people until they change what is in their ownselves.
And verily, Allaah is All-Hearer, All‑Knower”

[al-Anfaal 8:53]

 “But when Allaah wills a people’s punishment, there can
be no turning back of it, and they will find besides Him no protector”

[al-Ra’d 13:10]

 These are some of the harmful effects of this action.

 Rawdat al-Muhibbeen,
p. 360-363

 We advise you to read a book by Ibn al-Qayyim which is very
useful with regard to this topic. It is al-Jawaab al-Kaafi li man sa’ala
‘ala al-Dawaa’ al-Shaafi.

 Finally, we ask Allaah to keep you safe and sound with
regard to your religious commitment and your worldly affairs, and to help
you put your affairs in order before you meet your Lord. And Allaah is the
Guide to the Straight Path.